Opening

Every year I find a new way to go insane

 

i know exactly what normal people think about me

 

i know exactly what they’re thinking

 

why can’t they do the reverse?

 

speaking in lines and getting responded in cubes

 

How ive never spoke of a word

 

Far far away. I’ve already floated into?

 

floated into?

 

into?

 

why can’t they do the reverse? I thought everyone felt the same, I thought everyone went through this, I thought they knew but were denying it. But it’s way worse!

 

 

where am I?

 

The circular opening and the light that shines beneath has given me something else. Who knows what this is called? Don’t you classify everything and list the symptoms on a book? Feed into my self analysis, float up into the whites with me?

with me?

What a great release!

 

no one else is allowed to have a single thought about me now, because I’ve thought of them all.

because I’ve already put all their eyes inside my head.

 

why are they still speaking?

I thought I said it out for you?

 

lies over lies over lies over lies.
of course I know what you’re thinking. I’m just not smart enough to make the most out of it. Perhaps I should just let the words run. A white orb and the shine of light. The way words clogs up. Taken this much oil and dump them into a forest. I know what you’re thinking. I know because you’re living inside. But you aren’t here. I know that it’s all delusions but they aren’t. There’s no further way to prove it. Fountains. Why crystal. The sticks you poke wood with, for the fireplace, I don’t remover. Don’t you feel sorry for yourself for creating such a monster. Only the iris I can’t lock up, and untying your throat. Of course I know what you think. The fireplace sticks, in crystal. Let me search. I’m not here.

Put my mind inside a usb.

 

the only thing that was the first to elevate. They say the human evolution has stopped, sorry. Sorry mom. They say the human evolution has stopped, perhaps my mind is the first mutation, the first of many, then ill be less lonely. Don’t fall back, keep floating. A complete trance now. Crystal. I need to search it up.

 

fireplace.

 

fire poker!

 

at the depth where it reaches out to me with its arms. Perhaps I should have jumped in its arms, I’ve been begging to go crazy and lose my consciousness and reasoning for such a long time, but when i finally get a chance, it doesn’t allow me to.

Kanae

That stupid fucking manga.

it’s called you love me so much it hurts? Shut the fuck up. That’s not who you should be on this site, don’t talk about it, stay quiet and play your character.

right. Fire poker.

 

when it reached out to me. I saw fire poker sticks. All in a bunch, in a shiny, tall bucket.

 

they’re at a complete lost for words!

ive won! Because I’m one step ahead!

 

when it reached out to me. Almond shaped nails. I saw fire poker sticks made out of crystal, in a bunch, in a shiny, tall bucket. Navigating behind my eyelids, traveling top to brain, like a salmon, swimming upstream. Mom! Mom! Look at me! Shut up

look at me?

and you were utterly disgusted and shocked.

am I pretty?

 

I thought I was sane enough? Stable enough? Why did I do this to myself?

you’re dropping down now, quick, finish your story about the fucking crystal fire pokers.

 

I saw them behind my eyelids, light blue, crystal clear, because they’re crystal, or perhaps glass, thin, long, sharp. They used to kill vampires with that shit in vampire diaries right? Shut up. Who am I?

im not here. Then who are you?

I can’t remember now

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

or maybe they have all experienced what im experiencing, and I’m going to be just like that when I grow up. When I get to their age, I’ll be like them as well. And I won’t be able to remember any of this, and

everything I saw has a meaning and every word is necessary, please just stop trying to shut me up please please please I need to say that word to speak my mind I need to say what I’m thinking to be able to tell you what you want to hear

 

thats why my brain is so fried in real life. What is it capable of?

 

How easy and difficult. She doesn’t remember a thing. 2019?2018? I never got better! Does she not remember?

Mom, I’m ill, please take me to the doctor.

Witnesses I beg you please stop reading.

please stop reading into my mind.

but I thought you wanted to have others read your mind? Just like how you can read theirs

but not strangers on the internet?

yes strangers on the internet. After all they’re the only ones that allow you to speak!

witnesses I’m sorry. I’m not who I pretend to be. Some sophisticated young adult woman, I’m not . I am not. That’s not who I am. But every word I say is true. That’s why I don’t know who I am. Look at me.

that’s why I said look at me, right? Because only the public conscious makes something real. Make me real

 

make me real

 

i phrased that really correctly?

….shut the fuck up you pretentious fuck.

 

“Mom, I’m ill, please help me!”

 

Time goes by later:

 

“Mom, didn’t I tell you?”

 

and now under the symptoms and a melted head. she now asks me ___________.

I said this to them years ago, years ago! They don’t remember at all, and are trying to make sense out of my deranged pieces!

I still can’t speak!

please please please stop reading I can’t do this anymore.

 

im not whole anymore. Humans aren’t supposed to think like this. God I pray to you if there is one, can someone come and see me?