Even when I try my hardest to keep my head up and be happier in life and have been happier. I finally found a love who is very good for me and he does everything and beyond for me. And gives me the absolute world. But yet, with all of that I’m still broken and feel like I’m still falling down this dark rabbit hole. I don’t know how to get out of it. When I try and climb out I slip down further and further. I don’t know what to do or where to go anymore. I want to just get in my car and honestly just drive away from my life. It feels like no matter what I do to keep myself happy, just brings me right back down that rabbit hole into sadness.
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I have made 3 major moves (drive away in my car) over my adult lifetime and I always find that “wherever you go, there you are” is so true. It works for a while, sometimes a good fun long while but this last move (out of my home country) lasted 7 weeks before I slipped back down. I’m done fleeing and now want to just end it all. I’ve had a good enough life and achieved a few great things, but nothing really matters.