I am just so tired and hopeless

I do not even want to write about everything that went wrong with my life or how I feel about it. I have been suicidal since 2017. March 2017 was my first failed attempt, followed by denial, self harm and awful depression episodes. I never stopped thinking about since then. Therapy did not help, medication either. My life changed since then, good and bad stuff happened but nothing really made me think oh well this is worth it maybe. I feel like I’m going to pass out from the anger and frustration when people tell me the usual stuff like “it gets better”, “it’ll pass”. No! I literally do not care nor want things to get any better, I want them to end. Good or bad they just need to end. I am suffering more than ever because I can’t even end my life properly, it only leads to more self harm and ending up in hospital beds. I feel literally stuck on this life and it is eating me up. I just close my eyes every night before I sleep and hope I don’t wake up. Every single night since 2017, I am really unspeakably tired. There is nothing I want more than for this to end. I already know I will be trying to end my life again soon and I’ll fail and be sick again. I can’t even find the right way to do it and this has made me like a toxic person to the people who know me. I just want things to end.