i just wanna be loved

Furby you are not alone in this, please don’t feel that you are unloved or unlovable. There is nothing wrong with you. It is so easy to blame ourselves for failing, feeling bad or being desperately alone and struggling. But seriously these feelings are a natural response to extremely toxic and damaging life circumstances that we have been led to believe are normal.
It is not normal for human beings to be isolated, disconnected from each other and from any rewarding or fulfilling purpose in our lives. It is not normal to waste our lives in mindless or extremely stressful jobs without any sense of fulfilment or achievement. Or to be without any work at all.
It is not normal to be constantly bombarded with images and expectations of success that are unattainable, or completely empty if they are attained. Or constantly having our nose rubbed in our supposed inadequacy by society, family and worst of all ourselves . Not OK: childhood trauma, neglect, abuse, chronic grinding health problems. These aren’t normal. Having dysfunctional parents who are constantly stressed and unable to meet their child’s needs – not normal either.
Those successful types who are able to adapt to such conditions are enviable but we should not compare ourselves to these oddities – they may have had a lot of favourable circumstances, or are just naturally stronger or more resilient.
Remember that for the vast majority of our evolutionary history humans lived in small groups as hunter gatherers. This is how we are hard wired. We are out of our depth in modern life. A simplistic comparison but just look at chickens – they form a pecking order in natural small groups and live peacefully with the exception of the odd skirmish for leadership. If kept captive in large groups they can’t establish a pecking order and descend into violence, pecking each other mercilessly. Baboons at a zoo here lost their leader a few years ago. They couldn’t establish a new hierarchy, a blood bath ensued and they all had to be euthanised. Self-harm and violence in captive animals is common.
I think we are in a very fucked up zoo with only the illusion of freedom.
We aren’t all failures and losers just because we “fail” under such conditions. There is not a pandemic of imbalanced neurotransmitters. We are social beings who need love, affection and belonging. Our needs are not being met.
We may not be able to change our civilisation but we can reach out to others, try to find or create meaning, and most of all be as kind and forgiving as possible to ourselves and others.
You are normal, loved and needed here. You have a lot to offer others – you want to laugh and have fun, so many are missing this in their lives. It can take time and effort to find and connect with others IRL but it can be lifesaving for you and them. Even a pet can make life easier. My dog died over 10 years ago, I still miss her. Unfortunately I can’t get another one – my living circumstances are too unpredictable. I will have to make do with humans until I have my own place.
I hope you feel better soon Furby. Thinking of you xx