I always think about myself. I know some people think i care so much about others and am altruistic and stuff and I in fact need them to think that. I don’t want them to know how egocentric my thoughts actually are. Whenever I’m alone I don’t think about philosophical questions or real life problems or anything interesting, no, it’s always me me me. How am I doing? Am I getting worse or better? Do I need help? Will I screw up and start cutting again or will I manage to hold my own this time?
Lately I’m feeling too down around others, I think they start noticing me being distant. It makes it feel like the connection is lacking and my friends don’t know why. I should tell them but I don’t want to. I don’t want to always be talking about how bad I’m feeling. Especially since even if I did I couldn’t even explain how exactly I feel and where it’s coming from since I don’t understand myself. I just want to have fun and enjoy my time with them. They still feel something’s wrong though and come to the wrong conclusions.
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We’re all like that. It’s not bad. We need to think about ourselves to survive. ‘good’ people are just sensitive to other people’s needs too.
Needed to hear that. Thank you