A few years ago a laceration would’ve resulted in bleeding to death had it been left untreated. I slept and awoke before deciding to go the walk-in clinic to get it stitched. From there was sent to A&E. Waited in the department for hours until there was blood pooling around where I was sitting beyond what I could clean up myself and someone (I think it was the cleaning lady) came by and pointed it out and then went and asked the staff to see me. Had the wound stitched by a surgeon and went home (without a blood transfusion). It brought me some comfort to know I could self-harm severely enough to bleed to death in private if I was ever that desperate, though it’s been a few years since I did anything on that level (and severed part of a muscle in my leg with that injury).
Over the past few days have begun making small, superficial cuts at a level which don’t require me to leave the house.
Started forming a plan for a means to the end (which I fear a bit because it is a painful way to go but pretty much fullproof, numerous other people have done the same thing). I don’t doubt I’ll be distressed enough to go through with it when the time comes.
Every night I find myself awake and crying until the early hours of the morning trying to postpone the urge until I’ve given birth but sometimes I find myself wondering if I am doing my baby any favours by bringing him/her into the world.