This is it. This is the hardest one yet. Last semester. Senior Project. Project Manager. New Job as a TA. It’s barely the second week and I feel like I’m limping already. I can feel the pressure in my head build up. Can’t find the right valve to turn to release it. Bit by bit by bit by bit I can feel it welling up. Right half of the brain. Don’t know how I’m going to make it. I knew it would come. I knew it would be painful and hard. Now it’s here. It’s so painful and grating, that there are times that I forget about her completely. Imagine that. I kept moaning and whining that I can’t get over her, and now I’ve finally found something so much worse and painful that there a periods of time where I just completely and totally forget about her. It’s funny how that works. To forget one painful thing you just need another worse thing to occupy your mind. I view this experience as another piece of evidence that I just wasn’t cut out for this. I just wasn’t cut out to be anything. This is difficult sure, but other people are still capable of picking themselves up and marching forward. I called my dad today because I just needed someone to talk to for 5 minutes. I can’t talk to my mom because of some trouble on how I choose to spend the money she gave me. Which is fair, but I just don’t want to talk to her now. He mentioned that this is just what my life is going to be now and working life will be just as stressful. This is why I’m not cut out. This is why I’m just not going to make it. I really wish I could find that valve. Just to turn it a bit and release some of that pressure. It would be so nice.
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What sort of resources does your university have in terms of student support? Most modern universities have mental health counseling, and that is then backed by helping you communicate your challenges to your department.
You’re in over your head, that’s how it sounds. Okay, well what _CAN_ you handle? Surely some, and getting that some done would be preferable to imploding. All humans have limits, it would appear you are just finding yours.
Two weeks in, you only have to survive 14 more. Further, that 14 weeks can be broken down into days and projects. Focus on the project that is due next, all the others are meaningless until you have spare time again. Also, check your self care. Take a long hot shower or bath. Eat your favorite food. Indulge in any vices you may have developed. If you don’t have vices, I recommend nicotine and THC, best that a student can get at any rate.
Meanwhile, I believe in you. You can make it. It’s okay if you don’t, but if you’ve gotten this far, the worst may either already be behind you, or soon be over. It’s okay to make mistakes, no one is perfect. You may expect more of yourself than you can actually do, it’s something I’ve struggled with. Be an ordinary person, allow for mistakes.
Great advice heartlessviking
I can totally relate to this. Nearly crushed by the stress at the start of each academic year, within the first 3 weeks I had my bags packed, ready to drop out. I wasn’t good enough to be there, felt like a complete fraud who had somehow faked my way in and would be found out at any moment. I needed a valve! Each time it happened I gave myself a week or two to think about it, sometimes I left town to do it. Every time I decided to complete that one year – no commitment to do the next one, or complete the degree. Just finish that one year I had already started. Keep the steps small. I struggled. It sucked. Cried in front of other students and tutors. Made a complete dick of myself. But I somehow made it through. There is no shame in struggling. We need the strugglers to show the ones coming after that it’s possible to get through. No-one is particularly inspired or encouraged by the naturally gifted breezing through life.
Def see if you can get some counseling.
My valve is exercise – weights, cardio and martial arts. Physical exhaustion and self-discipline/focus help me.
Keep on keeping on – and ask for help, there is no shame in it