I think the “normal” thing would be to fear death. That’s what our society has coded as “scary” and to be avoided. You know what you get if you avoid death; old.
I’m 34. Relatively young, which means I have a long decline to look forward to. Sometimes I’m optimistic, maybe there will be less pain down the road. Maybe I’ll be dead before I know it. Other times… 60 years is a long time to have left on the clock. Men in my family, they’re either dead by 65 or live well past 90. I was caretaker to my granddad during his final years, and I’m realizing that I really just want kids now so that they can look after my parents in their final years, then a few decades on have some kids to look after me.
Damn that’s depressing, no one wants to die alone so we keep this Ponzi scheme going by dragging more innocent souls in. If there even is such a thing, as innocent. Kids, on average, are a lot darker than most adults will admit to. It’s something I always liked, working with them, the elderly and children have such a bad shake of it, there’s no point in fronting like things might work.
Anyway, I’m watching this obscure horror comedy; Bubba Ho-tep, and it all circles around this guy in an old folks home, he thinks he’s Elvis, almost no one believes him. He makes friends with a guy who claims to be JFK, even though he’s black (“That’s how good they are! They dyed me this color!”) I’ve always been a fan of gallows comedy, and this hits that spot.
There’s a remark Elvis makes though, regarding the way the old are treated; “Everything you say is either worthless or sadly amusing”
I think that tracks with what it feels like being depressed. Yesterday in a therapy session I argued with the therapist about hope. I admit and know that success is possible, it just isn’t probable. We’re playing a game where I don’t say what I think about the profession, just dark hints. He’s an agent of averageness, and calming down is a fine thing when things are going fine, but when life is circling the drain, I think a little fear is healthy.
It sometimes takes a long time to circle the drain, is my point. I’m thinking about getting a musical instrument, playing in public parks for tips, that’s a living I could get behind. People respect people who can make music, or at least feel bad when they play a sad song. I didn’t think I had a big enough ego to become a performer, now I find that having no ego sets one up pretty well to be one of the aimless nobodies out there, trying to make people smile.
Adam Ant and Meatloaf are the only two artists out of several hundred that I like that were alive when I entered the world, most of them are dead now. I’d say being dead is often better. Look at Meatloaf, he was an amazing performer, seeing him used up, washed up, just nails in the point that we all waste away eventually. Adam Ant, meanwhile can still sing, but he spent 20 years trying to come to grips with bipolar disorder, 20 years out of the world at a time, hard to imagine.
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Old age is something the survivors among us have to go through, a natural process. Take confidence and trust in your friends’ words, that you look young.
The direction of the wrinkles is meant to indicate, whether we’ve spent our days smiling or frowning.
I fucking hate life. I want to die
I hate it. I’m 35 soon to be 36. What’s worse is that I’m a woman and white. We age like milk. Men tend to get better looking with age yet I am watching myself decay. Life is horrible.
Aging like milk. I think I know how you feel. I have felt the same way. But I have found a cool aspect to aging. I started pushing back against aging starting at around 35. Better sleep, better nutrition, better this, better that, avoid excessive sunlight, on and on, a good therapist, bit by bit, not all at once. The years went on.
Now I’m 64 and look better, not fantastic, but better than many my age. So relatively speaking, I look good.
Brain exercises are helping. Also, I still have to keep on top of my childhood traumas with therapist or I think they could put me in the ground.
Really? I tend to trust older women more than older men. It’s usually written on their face what sort of person they are, easy enough to sort out the toxic people that way
Men though, we’re a grab bag of attention seeking dangerous behavior. We get a better shake of things socially, but that’s part of the problem. I keep trying to figure out how to explain to other men the pressure women are under, the amazing courage going against that takes…
Anyway, the real secret to looking better with age is to avoid the sun and take good care of the skin, liver and kidneys. Or so I’m told.
“…no one wants to die alone so we keep this Ponzi scheme going by dragging more innocent souls in.” I have hated that Ponzi scheme for a long time.
“Kids, on average, are a lot darker than most adults will admit to. ” Often true. Since every child is a person, we may just find, if we reproduce, we have brought a person into our lives that may not be a good fit for us, or worse.
the Ponzi scheme of dragging more innocent souls in… I’ve never heard it more perfectly put. Each generation recruits a new crop of patsies for the scheme. Only it isn’t recruitment, it’s breeding them in captivity, not giving them a choice on whether to sign up for life.
I haven’t seen Bubba Ho Tep but I think it’s by the same director who did Phantasm, a classic 70s campy horror. But speaking of movies and Meatloaf, you oughta hunt down a copy of “Roadie” starring Meatloaf with a ton of cameos by 80s rockstars. I dunno if Meatloaf was depressed/tormented in life but he sure had a knack for comedy.
“…breeding them in captivity…” Captive on many levels, yes. Well said.