What am I supposed to be? What am I? I think a lot. Today I was riding the bus back home and I saw a small toddler and his mom (I assume). All I can think was “Whatever you do, don’t grow up. Stay a kid as long as humanly possible. Whatever you do, stay small.” This is a pointless story, but it’s just something I thought about. I try to remember a time where things weren’t sad. Where I thought to myself, I’m not completely worthless. Sometimes I’m too scared to even more. Sometimes I just want to lie down and fade into nothing. I don’t know. I had like a 2 hour phone call with someone yesterday. I just needed to vent a little. We ended up having long moments of silence. I always think that I have a lot of noise and nonsense in my head, but when it comes time to say anything, I’m usually at a loss for words. I think that’s why I have not many friends and no one special. Because I have nothing interesting in my head. Just a lot of noise and nonsense.
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I find myself observing children in the same way, wishing that they wouldn’t have to face their future among our species. It’s sad, to look at a 5,6,7 month old child, and know that their perfect innocence is going to be decimated by their genetic predisposition to stupidity – evolving into adult homo sapiens.