I’m tired of posting on this stupid site. It’s all I n my head so it can’t be fixed. I’m not reaching out because that would be selfish. I mean, she just felt sorry for me and I burned her. I don’t know how to live
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i get it. it’s exhausting to keep trying. i’m glad you posted on the site right now. maybe you burned her as a defense…. i believe both in hiding in a cave and withdrawing and also in the power of the inside of your head, that it can heal. also, look around this world…so fucked up…i don’t know if any of us really know how to live. i hope you go easy on yourself and do something to feel better.
Did you burn her or were testing her authenticity and you don’t like to swallow the result?
She has BPD, I’m schizoaffective and autistic. Put us two together and we’re uncontrollable to say the least. Never physical but we always threw verbal jabs at each other when we were hurting. My autistic nature I’d disappear because I was overwhelmed and she’d “chase” me like a private detective. To sum it up I abandoned her when she really needed me and now I’m picking up the pieces trying to make sense of whether we can talk thru this. I mean sounds like a bad idea but I’m medicated now and I’m sure she’s made progress herself. I had a psychotic episode a few years ago and had wild accusations that I stupidly shared with others, so I messed up bad and feel like I should shut up and disappear.