How Can I Be Less Alone?

I’ve tried recovery countless times, but each time I failed and relapsed. I don’t know what to do anymore. It hurts so bad, I can’t breathe. I tell myself I have no real reason to feel this way because I have all the support I need, but it doesn’t help if I don’t know how to trust anyone. Every best friend I’ve ever had has left me more broken than before, so I’ve given up on having friends. I tell myself that the people I call friends are my friends so I’ll feel less alone. I pretend to trust them, but I don’t. I tell people things to make them think I trust them, but I’ve come to realize trust is more than just what you tell people. The people in my “close” circle know just about everything I’ve been through but I don’t trust them. I just tell them so I don’t feel like I’m living a lie. It’s so lonely. The closest person I have to a friend is my Spanish teacher, but she can’t be my friend.