Everyday

Everyday I leave for school
A place where the world can be so very cruel
Everyday I lower myself
Into the endless pit of wallowing self-doubt
Everyday I play on repeat
“Worthless, Bad, Failure, Cheat”
Everyday I put on a smile
Would they even notice if I was gone for a while?
Everyday I get back home
Dropping the act when I know I’m alone
Everyday I want to die
But I can’t so instead I curl up and I cry
Everyday I think of why
Why must I continue being alive?
Everyday I find something sharp
To add to my collection another pretty mark
I have attempted death before
But to no success which was unwished-for
Can’t even properly die
Utterly useless, aren’t I?
Everyday I wonder when
When will it finally undoubtedly end?