I have been suicidal since I was about 6 or 7, currently I am 12 years old. I have been suffering with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and a lot more. I just don’t want to be alive. I have been hurting myself in many ways, as in cutting myself, starving myself, throwing up after I eat, and doing things to hurt myself accidently. I have tried to commit suicide over 26 times, all have embarrassingly failed. I was inpatient not too long ago; I now am taking anti-depressants & anti-psychotics. I’m just so tired, I hate all of my scars because now they are fading, and I keep doing it over and over and over again. I just want to die so badly, but I don’t want to leave my girlfriend, she is really lovely, she checks my arms and thighs a lot for any recent self-harm. I feel exhausted, uneasy, scared in ways, recently I have been painting my problems away it helps sometimes. I always search on Google for ways to kill yourself, and the same shit pops up; “Help is available”. Don’t cut bullshit with me like “it gets better” or some lazy shit like “it’s going to be okay”, because you fucking know it’s not. All of that is bullshit. I wish I could just end it and stop backing out.