sick, my body is sick to the point that I’m somewhat detached from the normal world. It feels like I might die, and that’s a promising thought. Anyway, I’m not me right now, not sure who I am, whoever keeps the lights on until the old ticker shuts off.
Every time I think I’m getting better, I get more dizzy, more confused…. one part thinks it will be over sooner or later, the other part wonders why my biology would be so kind.
Sleep is the fast forward button of life, and I haven’t slept like this in years. Wouldn’t be surprised to wake up ancient and near death by natural causes at the rate I’m going.
At the same time, I keep wondering if I caused this. Last week was so bad I laid on my back in the yard, trying to figure out how to push myself into a non responsive state, maybe this is my subconscious coming through on that point. Which should make me feel guilty, but I think it’s good. Everyone should have to see the load I’ve been carrying, how hard I tried to make it work, and how pointless the whole thing was.
May they find better answers than I did.