I just really need someone to hug, at the very least. There is nobody there though, I’m all alone, isn’t that funny?
Isn’t it funny when you’re alone yet surrounded by people? Isn’t it funny when everyone’s looking at you yet they can’t see you? Isn’t it funny when you’re drowning in a croud?
When everyone can save you but nobody does?
Nobody even notices?
Please, notice. Someone, please. See me. Please… I don’t want to die just yet. Anyone? But they don’t hear me.
Is it me or is it them?
Do I exist? Do I matter in this world or am I just another object in your way? Is it me who’s doing this? Maybe I’m invisible. Maybe I’m silent, not screaming loud enough?
Or perhaps it’s you who’s blind and deaf, maybe it’s you who can’t see me suffering, maybe it’s you who can’t hear me screaming? Maybe it’s you who can’t feel me kneeling before you, clawing at your legs, hoping for you to notice me? Have you considered it?
Was it you or me? Please, answer me. ANSWER ME!!!! PLEASE.
But nobody will, nobody will hear me when I’m at the bottom of the ocean.
I will never find out the answer, not like it would change anything either way. I’m still sinking.
Nobody is there to notice. All that’s before me is blank.
So… anyone relate?
This sounds painful. I am curious, do you have a few connections? What are they like?
I don’t have anyone. Family doesn’t count since all I do with them is having small talk, we don’t see each other often despite being in the same house anyway, even less so when my mom got a boyfriend, I feel uncomfortable around them now. I don’t trust any of them, I could never have a deep conversation with them. Other than that I have a cousin who I love talking deeply with but I can’t control when we do start talking, it happens extremely rarely despite him living a step away from me, family reasons, they’re kinda “banned” from us, vice versa. We don’t see each other often because of that, only when we need something from him. I have no other connections, well, two friends but they’re also small talk + I only see them at school. That’s all. Even if, I still have nobody. Like I said, I may be surrounded with people but I am alone, none of them could understand me, well, if they could see me to begin with. They don’t seem to notice I’m suffering, that I’m crying right in front of em. Well, I will never know if that’s my fault or theirs. Probably both. So yeah, I’m as lonely as can be when I put it like that.
Your family sounds about as detached from one another other as mine was. I remember talking at depth with any of them was not just pointless but would frustrate them. They hardly even noticed feelings except long enough to brush them off. Maybe you and your cousin could get creative on meeting or texting? Guys like to feel like they are needed.
This is how i used to feel. Very well put together and written. I hope you feel better in the future. I hope more than anyone else you can save yourself. I believe in you and I think you need to keep fighting. Do not let depression win. In times when you’re alone remember you always have yourself
What did you do to get out of it? Also yeah, I may only have myself in this world at this point. I will definitely stay, but only because I’m chained by others. Stayign still will cause me so much pain… Guess you could say I’m a martyr, bearing pain for the sake of others, without a reward. That’s all I am. That’s all I’ll ever be, well, unless someone breaks through to reach out, hopefully. Shame it’s very unlikely when it’s human nature to be blinded by selfishness, not like anyone will actually try, for me? Oh please. Maybe if someone does only then the pain will stop. Guess while I’m chained down I could also wait for my saviour, if there ever will be one. If not, I will carry on just so the others can be happy, I’ll keep them away from the truth and keep on coating it with lies. Does it make it harder for me? Yes, but they will never find out. They will keep on being happy. More and more layers until you get to the bottom of it, nobody will get to it, I’m like a secret that got lost in time, nobody will hear anything about it anymore, until I die it’s with me. Perhaps one faithful day I’ll get the chance to break the layers myself and reveal the truth. As for now, it’d really take someone VERY determined to help to get me out of this. They have no reason to, therefore no one will. That’s why I’m already getting ready for this life of lies, there is no other future for me other than having myself by my side. It gets lonely. I’m impacient, even if, I still have to wait.
We see you. We hear you. You’re not alone.
On your family, I’m sorry for the lot you’ve drawn. It does get better when you get to pick your own family. You will someday.
I used to feel the same way, but then I met some good people that actually listened to me whenever I talked to them. I don’t think I can ever have a deep relationship with my parents, it’s not like they hate me or anything, it’s just that they dont understand me. I hope you can find someone that understands you and listens one day.
Our pseudo civilization has programmed us to be like this, human acts do not generate profit and anything that you do outside of that has been conditioned to feel unnatural. Everything we are has been levered to this end to generate profit. Profit is just a count of positive money flow, money is just rebranded survival, survivsal is what every species on earth must do. There was never any place for humanity in nature as it is. The strongestfastest/most ruthless survive. We attempted to make it better in creating a society but our intelligence was just not great enough to overpower millions of years in evolution. Hence the pseudo civilization that tries, but totally fails to serve humanity.