I’m always trying to find a hidden message or meaning in everything I see just to somehow cheer myself up and throw out the thought of me offing myself. But nothing ever happens. I even started looking at weekly horoscop, fuck that, I tried even daily one. But nothing ever happens. Its always “blah blah your life will get better” but it never happens??? Days, weeks, months. And nothing happens. Is that the sign i was looking for? That there is nothing that would just make me stay? Just. Nothing ever happens