I don’t think I can do this for much longer. Eventually, I’m just gonna end it. I have to at some point. I don’t know how yet. I’ve been looking up methods and stuff but I only have one way readily available, and it wouldn’t even be certain death. I don’t want to wake up in the hospital with people upset or possibly even angry at me.
I was stupid to ever think I could try. At anything. In the end it’s better off. I still don’t know when I’ll do it, I’ll probably break in these late months, I’ll be overwhelmed as I usually get with everything. I want to have one last Christmas with my family.
They deserved better. All of them. I’ve already failed them so many times and they only love and care for me out of pity, if at all.
This is so stupid. I should’ve done this a long time ago.