Anhedonia

Welp. I think ive gotten to that point where all of the things I usually like doing has lost it’s appeal. I go to the gym, I play guitar, I write, I have some weed. None of it brings me joy the same way it used to. I force myself to do certain things like going to the Gym anyway, despite how I feel, but it’s starting to take a lot more energy than normal. I’m tired and want rest, but I’m also anxious about wasting too much time, since this is the only life I’ll ever get. To make a nerdy reference, I feel like butter that’s been spread over too much bread. It’s the same thing every day, chasing after this ever elusive amazing future, touching it with my fingertips but never getting a firm grip. If I stop trying though, I’ll never get it. So, I dont know. Im just not okay anymore.