there isn’t any hope. I’m done trying to grapple with it, the economy is going to shit, having children isn’t going to become affordable. God, I tried, but now even my meager faith in him doesn’t stand up to the moment. If there is a God, maybe he’s doing an experiment in hands off management.
Which leads to the why, I’m getting there; last week I mentioned that during one of my darker moments I contemplated the many methods at my disposal. It was just a weather report as far as I’m concerned, I have no desire to decrease this temptation, and frankly it might be the only way to get anyone to listen.
Then today the local agency sent me a secure message, which would be great if it hadn’t been sent in such a secure way that I couldn’t figure out how to open it in the time I had to solve the problem. Then they sent some people by my house to check on me. I guess I’m impressed with the effort, but what am I supposed to say to them whenever I finally do respond?
Thanks for your concern, but it is my understanding that my death will be no great burden or tragedy to anyone involved. Perhaps if you look really hard you’ll find someone worth saving, cause it aint me.
2 comments
Maybe it is you (worth saving)
I feel casually hopeless sometimes too. Trying is a lot of work. But I’ve discovered floating in whatever feelings you have is actually nice, even when nothing else feels particularly warm.
Well. I for one like to see a veteran member on here. So I’d notice. But I get that feeling…