Not too long ago I made a post about suspecting something was wrong with me other than depression. Tonight, I figured out what it is:
My ability to empathize with others is damaged. Im so self-absorbed that I dont even see it. So selfish that this ephiphany shocks me to my core.
Something must be wrong with my conceptualization of love.
7 comments
strangely, the fact that it does disturb you is encouraging. I spent a bit over two years working with empathy deficient youths…. and I only met one out of several dozen who lacked all empathy and was qualified as a psychopath.
In most cases it’s a gap in development, lack of proper teaching on the part of adults around you growing up. Which is sad, but it’s not too late. Empathy is learned, and it is something you can work on. I would also strongly encourage you to get a formal brain scan to determine if any injury is part of the problem. Again, scary, but leaving it unknown doesn’t insulate you from potential effects
again, I congratulate you for your bravery to come face to face with this, that desire to be better is one of the best things about people.
Thank you so much
I believe in you PlainWhite
I feel like that too sometimes. I push down my emotions and numb when dealing with things. I read somewhere that an emotionally neglectful family can lead to this in some and find difficulty bonding with others. For me it takes a longgg time and I feel like I’m not doing it right. It stems into withdrawing and coping the wrong way. Don’t feel bad, you aren’t evil.
When I was young, my dad would call me stupid, He didn’t support gay marriage, No Christmas-I would grow close with friends families going to their’s… no close conversations, showing up to games and because of those things it’s more work bonding and working through problems in relationships for me now. I numb, I feel worthless. Of course, “the blame” is on my personality coping with abuse and creating different issues like disconnection.
Any Christmas was spent with at an uncle’s house, and growing older, scapegoating became an elephant in the room type thing. Or, I was an elephant. Ha. They’re all trump supporting idiots who don’t connect with closeness but showing up and gossip you know, no belly laughs, no movies together no how are you feeling
PW, I hear you. Growing up I thought I was empathetic and caring. I think partly my horrible high school experience turned me into more of an azzhole, because I was treated like crap by some people or ignored.
Partly it was my own insecurities and the other part was due to my scumbag father. Fortunately I also did have some wonderful friends which helped me get through it, but I was pretty dejected by that experience.
It seemed my siblings and I all grew up suddenly and abandoned our mother at the same time. She asked me to stay with her, almost begged, but I was selfish, unthinking and stupid. I thought she was fine, my idiot father also told me she’d be ok, but she wasn’t ok.
Loneliness is a terrible thing-nobody should have to go through it. She had also lost all her friends. I’d visit her every week, or more often when I could, partly out of guilt, but I still couldn’t see what was right in front of me.
Until her health started failing and she had trouble keeping up with the rent. I always thought I was a nice, empathetic person, but I realized I was wrong on that.
I was just looking to move forward in my life, get married etc…I just didn’t imagine she’d suffer so much on her own, until one day it hit me like a freight train, how awful and selfish I was as a person and that I should’ve always stayed with her when she asked.
I mean this probably means nothing to most people, but it was a big thing for me at the time. Tbh, I moved in with my dad (sometimes he was nice, sometimes he was a azz, for those wondering) since he lived close to my work and he had a nice big house, I guess I got too comfortable there…but finally after about 8 years, I realized my huge mistake and my mom and I lived together ever since.
Empathy is something I have been able to turn on or off based on the situation. If it’s an evil person who goes through hardships, ofc I don’t really care much for them. If someone who has had a rough life, then I do feel sorry for them and try to help however I can.
But generally I care about most people since I am able to put myself in their shoes. It’s unfortunate that most other people are not able to do the same.