Im not sure what I am anymore. My flame is out yet again. I’ve wasted my vacation doing nothing. Soon back to a job that drains me of all energy to work on my own life. The people I’ve recently tried to turn into my new closest friends while sacrificing another one in the process still seems so distant. Maybe natural since they have their kids. But I can’t help feeling lonelier than ever before… What a mess…
sounds like you are burnt out, I know I am…. but in contrast I kind of keep up a blackmail with my family in which they either help me with problems on my time off, or I quit and occupy myself with projects that interest me more. I’ve told them multiple times I’m not afraid of homelessness, or any other consequence. The job market is a wreck, devoid of meaningful or rewarding work….
I don’t think it is possible to “waste” vacation, if you find yourself spending it in ways you don’t like you need more time off to deal with such things. My current employer doesn’t want me to go on vacation because they are afraid someone else will hire me out from under them, and by god they’re right on that point.
What do you mean you blackmail them?