- I still have my whole life ahead of me.
But will I make it?
My parents fight and fight.
My dad shouts and yells.
I get scared. I cry. I just can’t anymore.
Sometimes I think to myself that the situation could be a lot worse. Why am I sitting here crying when I have it better than most. I have a good home, good relatives, a good school. We always celebrate holidays, get presents, and go on vacation. So sometimes I hate myself when it seems like I have it all. All except one thing. Happiness. And parents that love each other. But having parents that shout all the time can get to your head. It can mess with you. It’s not normal. It can make you depressed. It can mess with your grades. But then I think. I have no right to feel this way. Because he doesn’t hit his children. Only his wife.
You have every right to feel that way, don’t take that from yourself. Having a family that constantly fights is a very difficult thing to deal with. It can be incredibly hard and lonely being stuck living in a place that isn’t safe. It doesn’t really make it any better that he hasn’t hit you, you still know he does it and that it’s a possibility. Not to mention the psychological damage it can do just watching and listening to your family go through that.
I grew up with a family that fought constantly too and the damage it can cause is very real. It’s good you can see the positive things in your life, your good home, relatives, and school but it’s still a hard thing to go through and I think it would be a shame to sell yourself short saying you don’t deserve to feel like this. I really hope things get better for you.
I’m sorry you’re going through that, it’s awful and it mentally drains a person. It’s not that you dont deserve to feel this way, you just don’t deserve to have to go through that. I hope things will get better for you soon
My own parents fought the same way. My Dad would lose control in his anger, get loud & boisterous, break things, and use intimidation to win his arguments. People don’t realize that words used in anger are sharp weapons that cut deep wounds.
Maybe gathering your pain, fear, and discontent about your parents’ fighting and organizing it into one place would help. Write them a letter, or tell them in person how much their fighting is hurting you. Maybe this will open their eyes to changes that need to be made. If youre able to go someplace else when they fight, I recommend going somewhere quiet and peaceful. Maybe a walk in the woods, or down a few city blocks with some earbuds in.
Know this though: their fighting is all on them, and is not a reflection on you. Don’t think for a second that feeling afraid makes you weak, or that crying and hurting about all this makes you less of a person somehow. I thought these things about myself, and none of it was true! I’m so sorry you find yourself in this position.
Take good care of yourself. Tell yourself kind things in your head. Eat healthy. Exercize. Get some sunshine. Set goals. Spend time with friends. In the midst of all this, don’t forget to take good care of yourself.