Went on vacation with a good friend of mine and her family for a week, and now I’m back. I was happier than I’ve been in a long time… I felt like I could escape things if only for awhile. Now we’re back and I have to go back home. I love my family but I dont want to go home. I dont want to go to that house, or walk into my door-less room. I know in the end theres no escape. I have to move on I suppose. I’m fine I guess but I dont think I belong anywhere. I’m just the guest with my friends family so they have an excuse to leave early (their family out of state is… interesting) and maybe they like me, maybe they dont. I’m convinced my friend finds me annoying, whether she does or not, and I’m scared to open up about anything anymore. Plus if her family found out, they wouldn’t let me hang out with her anymore… she’s had/still having a lot of mental problems too and they’ll just think I’m dragging her down.
It was nice to get away, it really was. I got away from the stress for awhile, and sure, some nights were a little harder, and they fought every so often, but in the end it was nice. Not perfect, but nice. It feels like I’m already losing that feeling ahahaha. I wish I could explain myself better – especially to my friend or family or whatever… its complicated. I’m not sure why I feel like this now – I mean I’ve been up since 4 am and have been in a car all day so maybe that’s what it is.
It was nice while it lasted. I wont forget it.
I feel like it’s wrong for me to feel like this rn, I dont understand it. I really am fine – I’m not bad anyway I guess.