I wonder what it’s like to have a normal relationship with food, to not have your every waking thought be about food. I went to the doctor to change my antidepressant and I had went from 170 to 191 in two months, and I wasn’t even taking the antidepressant so that’s not to blame I’ve always been like this. I don’t do normal teen things, I don’t go out much, I don’t talk to boys, I don’t even go to school anymore and it all comes down to my weight. It’s always I’ll eat what I want today and starve tomorrow but it’s like tomorrow never comes. I avoid going out and even avoid family functions because I’m too fat. no one will like me unless I’m skinny. I went to the doctor to change my antidepressant and I had went from 170 to 191 in two months. One time I starved myself for 26 days and I lost over 20 pounds, I felt like I was pretty much on the brink of death but it still wasn’t enough. still not skinny. I always say that I can do the things I want but I have to lose weight first, I’ve gone on diets and I lose weight but I always binge and gain it back. I turn eighteen this year, I’ve been doing this since I was eight. Now I look back and realize I’m wasting my teen years, so many things I haven’t done because I’m too fat and ugly. I probably won’t even be able to go to college because I haven’t been to school, I’ll end up with a shitty job living with my parents the rest of my life. or I could just kill myself, that would be easier wouldn’t it. way easier than losing weight. I hate myself so much that’s all I want to do.