…What the fuck it that like? What’s it like to actually enjoy spending time with other people? To not walk through this world alone? The times that I feel the loneliest are when I’m around other people spending time together. It’s this stark reminder of what’s missing in my life. I feel even more awkward, even more out of place. Like I don’t belong, or I’m intruding. I shouldn’t be there…I shouldn’t exist. It makes me not want to go outside.
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I guess I can save myself a post, since it’s all written in here.~ I don’t believe I got any true friends left. I always feel like I am bothering someone. So yeah..
If you’ve had true friends at some point in the past, then maybe you can find more. I don’t think I’ve had a real friend my entire adult life – it’s not something I feel capable of.
i’ve had it both ways, once popular & loved, then completely alone and i mean months go by without seeing any humans except the mailman.
having the company of others is what keeps humans sane. without it youre dead meat. no matter how much poets and holymen romanticize solitude, its fucking hell as you all know.
to answer the question whats it like, i say its the difference between life and death. but i guess it doesnt matter, we all die alone
Sounds about right – feels like I’ve been pretty dead the last 15 years. Except I get to see others around me go on living their lives. We do all die alone, but to spend whole decades alone just seems like pointless suffering.
15 years sucks, it’s only been around 5 for me but it’s wearing me down hard. living is definitely pointless, but i suppose the optimist in me hopes it’s a waiting game… if we just continue living long enough then anything can happen. your soulmate might fall out of an airplane and parachute into your back yard. or something equally ridiculous. it’s pretty pathetic but it beats facing the reality that things are never gonna change. it’s either death or delusion from here on
Yeah, I spend a lot of time indulging in delusion myself, though the hope has slowly faded over the years. Anything can happen in theory, but I suppose in reality you have to make things happen rather than wait. At the very least you have to spend a lot of time around people to allow something to happen, which I find tends to make me feel worse. I just don’t think I’m capable of forming a connection. At this point, even if someone parachuted into my yard claiming to be my soulmate, I would probably assume it was an elaborate prank and hide behind the sofa until they gave up and went away.
I guess I’m the outlier, having some long term connections, a marriage, a few close friends… well if you can call friends that willfully ignore a major part of your life “close”
my being suicidal is for the most part apart from them, unless it specifically prevents me taking advice, like some things I have to avoid, because there are people who want me alive.
One thing; there’s no such thing as soul mates, just people capable of living with other people…. good personality matches sure, but destiny is a tool for lazy storytellers. It irks me, the concept that somewhere out there is a perfect match is in complete defiance to the fact that love is work.
I agree about soulmates & destiny. There may be someone in some sense “best-suited” to your personality, but the chances of you actually meeting that person and hitting it off are miniscule, and while you were waiting you’d be missing out on building something more meaningful with someone else. But if you’re going to fantasize, may as well do it about perfect/idealized relationships.