Someone close to someone I love died and I can’t help but feel jealous of them. I wish it was me. Why couldn’t it be me? I don’t understand. I don’t want to live and I want death and it seemed like everyone around me is closer to death than I’ll ever be. I know it’s a stupid feeling but whenever I remember what it takes to hold on and be alive, I honestly don’t want to go through it.
All these happiness is not worth the extreme pain I feel about merely existing. Being a human sucks and we’re only going to keep living in a country that barely cares for our lives.
Admit it, humans are just statistics. We’re just numbers in a collected data. We’re nothing. We’re insignificant. Why then, do I have to be alive for? What’s the use? Being alive hurts and I can’t just be this selfish stupid self forever.
When I think about his passing, I keep on thinking back how it should’ve been me. It should’ve been me. I should’ve died. Why can’t it be me? I’m the one that don’t want to live. Please. I really can’t. Why? Why is it not me?
Just existing is so hard. I don’t want to live. I don’t want to live. Why can’t I just die. Please. I don’t want to live.