It seems like the way the world is going, it would be good to have my exit plan to hand, even if I don’t use it straight away. Then, if someone somewhere decides that nuclear war would actually be a grand idea, I can peace out before things get truly gnarly. I have no desire to try and survive through a nuclear holocaust.
I’m pretty sure I have enough money to obtain my preferred substance, but it would take a lot of work to track down a reliable seller, and I’m hopelessly naïve with that kind of shit. I’m also worried about attracting the attention of the authorities – I really don’t need that kind of aggro in my life, especially if I end up sticking around.
But I should secure my exit, I’ve been meaning to do it for three years now. I just keep putting it off. I guess I’m scared – I suppose just having it in the house means I’m more likely to use it. I also have other stuff I need to be concentrating on right now if I am going to keep living. I have a lot of work this week, I need to find new clients for after that, I have to sort some tax stuff, and I have to catch up on basic chores. And I only have a very limited amount of energy to do all that.
So maybe it will wait, for another week or so. Maybe people can resist bringing about a nuclear apocalypse for another week. But I should get the stuff, and soon. The world is only getting worse. And even if nothing catastrophic happens, I may just want to check out. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. And I can’t see any possibility of change, I’m way too far gone to ever live a normal life.