If I don’t cut out the rotten part of me within 3 months, it grows into a cancer that will ensure that I hate everyone and everyone hates me. It’s nearly been 4 months. “Four months clean, congrats.” No good reason to celebrate when not cutting just means I’m gearing up to kill myself. Whatever. I just need to cut soon. You have to atone somehow, eye for an eye, blood for blood. My body is a graveyard for my sins, and I need to be reminded of them. “A reminder of God’s promise” and he’s a cruel god. I’ll cut or I’ll kill myself. I don’t even believe in him, but he’s in my head anyway.
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I hope you forgive yourself. Guilt and shame is so hard to carry.
Dear child,
Please do not worry about atoning, please do not cut or hurt yourself.
If it soothes you, I would love to share, that there is infinite Mercy and Love, like, genuine and truly fulfilling Love:
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.”
John 3:16?-?19 NIV
“Rid yourselves of all the offenses you have committed, and get a new heart and a new spirit. Why will you die, people of Israel? For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign Lord. Repent and live!”
Ezekiel 18:31?-?32 NIV
lmao it’s god that got me into cutting, i’m 22, been a cutter for over a decade and suicidal even longer. here’s a verse for you: “the harvest is past, the summer is ended, and we are not saved.” I’ve been raped by multiple women, so I’m already condemned (1 Corinthians 6:9). all that shit about god making exceptions for rape? that’s a bunch of shit made up by folks who like to cherry pick the bible to make it kinder. god doesn’t care about rape, but he does care about premarital relations. i know the bible better than your type ever has, so your verses aren’t going to work on me. “be ye not deceived, for god is not mocked”, that’s all i have to say to you. you don’t even know your god, you won’t even face him, and you’re telling me to repent to him. you’ve not spilled blood for him, and you’re telling me I don’t know him, that he can fix things. god got me into this mess, and he has no intention of leading me out of it.