I cant keep doing this every day. Every day without fail. I’m very on edge today and I dont know if I can trust myself or not.
I’m bitter and feeling so horrible inside and yet nothing comes out. I like to imagine my head exploding. Like theres this huge fuse or something inside.
I cant deal with the constant anxiety/depression/hating myself to no end even if it is deserved. People piss me off so much, nobody can just shut up.
How long do I have to wait for it to “get better”? How much more do I have to do? It shouldn’t be that fucking hard.
Whatever. I’m thinking about it tonight. Probably won’t ’cause I don’t want to hurt her/them or my family but at the same time what’s it matter in the end. I don’t think they know how much I’m hurting. I dont know if I could explain it to them. Essentially in the end I’m just a coward.
But still. I cant keep doing this. I’m gonna snap or something. I cant get away from this or my thoughts or anything. I just want it to end.
1 comment
Your title is apt; which precise parts are not doable, and is there a lower level opt out?
Sometimes you have to viscously remove anything that limits function, whatever function looks like for you.
I think you need to find a you who you can be, and also someone who you can admire or at least tolerate. The self hatred is a hard problem to tackle, but unless you have anything more obvious in your way, maybe that’s the direction to work.