I’ve tried on and off again for the past few weeks or so to write a post. Every time I get to the new post screen, I end up exiting and just turning my laptop off. I have done fucking nothing this entire leave of absence and just waiting to get back to Worcester. I have one month left. This entire time I’ve been ping ponging between worrying about flunking out of my master’s program, getting kicked out of the lab I’m apart of, or being fired from an upcoming internship. If it’s not worrying about A it’s B, if not B it’s C, ad infinitum. It’s starting to annoy me. I spend my days doing nothing and just think about how I’m not going to make it. How I’m not ready for anything. A job, the real world, etc. The anxiety eats away at me bit by bit and I’m starting to loose focus. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I know nothing. I am a man with a degree, but I know nothing. Is it normal to not remember a lot of stuff from college? It’s not like I got bad grades, but if I had to take the finals for my classes again, I don’t think I would pass. I was also bad at taking notes, if I took them at all. So I can’t go back and reference them. That’s my fault. It always just seemed that I took a class and then took the test and then forgot. So I guess that’s why I feel so unprepared. Now that I’m typing, I’m just typing nonsense. My worries seem so big to me, but probably so small and trivial to others. I don’t know. I guess I’m just going to have to do it and face whatever happens to me, be it good or bad. I don’t know. I just needed to post something again. Keeping it all in my head was starting to be a burden. If you are reading this and can empathize, I hope things get better for you.