Two main things;
1: I want to go skiing at least a week every year. I used to when I was a kid, and my entire adult life I haven’t been able to afford it. Everything in my life oriented towards health was with the attitude that I’d get to ski again. Now…. it seems unlikely, so I’m puzzled why I should keep myself healthy.
2: a place to escape to. Ideally rural, a cabin or cottage with a workshop or garage. I don’t need to spend all my time there, but there are times I want to shut out everything and only be with myself. Now is just such a time, and it’s really hard in the city.
To me this doesn’t seem much to ask. I’ll build the cabin or cottage myself if necessary. I’ll stay in terrible accommodations if it means I can ski.
As is…. apparently I’m asking too much. More work, more money, it’s just a stupid cycle as long as my money gets sucked right back up by trying to keep my anxiety under control.
It’s another reason I doubt my intelligence; it seems like this problem of satisfying my desires should be one I am able to solve
but I can’t. Not that I think I’m dumb, just not any kind of above average intellect. That, or there’s no point to the economy related to what I’m after.