Imagine you’re on the ground getting beat up. Your attackers keep hitting & kicking you no matter what, they don’t stop just because you’re down, and they never seem to tire. In this moment, are you gonna call a doctor? Fuck no. You’re going to call the cops or Batman or whatever. But doctors, ambulances and therapists won’t stop the beatings, they can only help AFTER the attackers have left you alone.
Mental health professionals love to assume that you yourself are the “attacker”. How many times have you heard “you have to want to get better” and “you need to change your attitude” and all those veiled accusations that you yourself are at fault. Maybe that’s the case for some people but not for me, not for people who are drowning in debt, not for people who are being abused, and not for people whose malaise is due to the shitty nature of the human race.
Mental health professionals (and I’ve been to many) will only give you tools to help manage your pain. Whether it’s drugs or therapy, all it does is attempt to assuage the pain while the beatings continue. That’s like the doctor handing you a band aid and quickly jumping out of the way while you catch a few more uppercuts to the jaw. Then the doctor has the audacity to tell you, “You need to stop getting beat up.” That’s exactly what they’re telling you when the say “You need to lower your stress” or “You need rest” or “You need to take a vacation”. Yeah are you gonna pay all my bills while I jet off to Tahiti and lower my stress? And escape my attackers? You gonna don your Batman cowl and dispose of all my enemies so I can get my rest? No, the doctor will say I have to do that myself. Tell me something I don’t know. I’ve been on the ground getting the shit beat out of me for as long as I remember, don’t you think I realize how alone I am?
20 comments
I never thought I’d say this, but I think the solution in your scenario might be to become Batman.
To elaborate, while you might not be your own attacker, you must always be your own defender.
There’s a lotta truth to your analysis and conclusion. All my life I’ve never had a protector, parents were weak pushovers who ran from every battle and got cheated out of every dime, teachers and authority figures were apathetic or cruel themselves, dont get me started on cops in my town… Really the answer is to become Batman, I need to quit waiting for a rescuer and become it myself. The problem is Batman became Batman after he was rich and powerful already. I’m broken and on the edge of homelessness so my superhero days arent looking good.
On the contrary, there’s no better time to become your own protector. You can’t be Batman, Batman is taken. You have to become your own hero, with your own story. It’s only a metaphor, but I’m sure you understand
“To elaborate, while you might not be your own attacker, you must always be your own defender.”
That’s how life works- we MUST become our own Defender, bc unless you got some really good folks around you (and most of us here don’t)- no one else will.
I had that attitude my whole early life, and was able to accomplish a lot- so what you said rings true.
HOWEVER, I also see what thebends is saying, how can we become our own Defender when we ourselves are so broken and in dire straits? What happened to me was I got hit by a car, and now am injured with chronic health problems. How do I then become my own Defender?
Therein lies the problem- no one else is going to help us, so it’s upon US to help ourselves, but when we’re so broken, so beaten, in bad situations, it seems almost impossible to break out of it. The ONLY time I’ve seen people actually get better, are the few people who have others to help them, whether it was family, spouse, money, etc.
And therein lies my problem- how do I f*ing get better when I’m so physically sick, lack money to get healthier, but lack the health to get more money? It’s a ratwheel with no end in sight.
You get it … unfortunately. You’re strong enough all your life to take care of yourself, but then one catastrophic blow wipes you out, and you realize nobody’s going to help you. It’s the worst feeling
oh i always knew i wasn’t going to have anyone help me out. the difference now is that i’m no longer able to take care of myself like how i used to. i’m vulnerable, fragile, sick, depressed, poor, etc etc.
so yea, no amount of “journaling” or “taking a walk” or drugs is going to help me any
It’s a tough one Bends, since nobody can reach into our lives and fix everything as you said.
When I realized religion was BS in my early teens and that I wasn’t special and my life had no meaning or purpose (unlike the crap religion tells you), then I understood my life sucked and I was just a result of my parents bad decisions.
It played out in an ugly way, I hated my life, my parents and I was pretty mean towards my mother, since she was an easier target than my dad.
Ofc later on I realize what an azz I’ve been and apologized to her. I thought about suicide a great deal, but stuck around for family and it’s a good thing I did since they would’ve ended up homeless without my help.
What eventually brought me out of it was the realization that firstly I was being way too hard on myself and that other people didn’t have that low of an opinion of me that I did. Plus weakness invites aggression, I let people get away with putting me down because I had low self esteem and finally ‘snapped out of it.’
I realized later, that although suicide was always a good option for me, that others would suffer without me being around…esp. my mother since my other siblings don’t care about her that much.
So the decades passed by the problems remained the same…I was supposed to go far in life and that didn’t work out, but I still have big ideas and I think I can make something work out eventually, once I improve my present situation.
In your case, unfortunately therapists, doctors can only do so much. Ultimately we have to change our lives to make them the way we want them to be, all the while dealing with our own emotional and relationship issues.
It’d be great if we lived in a utopian world, where we live like millionaires and robots do all the drudge work-some people are working to make that happen. But in the meantime it’s up to each of us to do what we can to improve our existence.
Death is never too far away if someone really wants it…though it isn’t an easy route to take. But speaking for myself, I’m still hoping I can still live a bit of the ‘good life’ that I’ve always wanted. I’m hoping within the next 10 years I will be
able to get myself to a better state in life.
But if my situation isn’t any better than it is today and a million bucks doesn’t fall in my lap, then I will take the euthanasia route, which thankfully is becoming more available now in Canada.
All countries should offer this option to anyone for the asking. Nobody asked for their life, why should they be forced to live it like a slave who experiences nothing but suffering and misery? Non-existence is real freedom, if life isn’t worth living.
Wow there are so many parallels in our early lives and thought processes. The only difference is that I never forgave my parents so sometimes I see my suicide as fitting payback. Not really revenge but just karma. They irresponsibly brought a life into this world and failed to nurture it, so karma would let them feel the pain of seeing their creation end itself. Maybe that rationale is flawed, but in any case I don’t feel any obligation to live for them. I wish I could reach that turning point you hit, it would be nice to shed this bitterness… But at the same time doesn’t it open up new pain, the pain of seeing your parents get old and die?
I was thinking your exact thoughts on euthanasia yesterday. Nobody asked for their life, and for some people (everyone eventually) it becomes a painful burden as our bodies and minds break down. Why don’t countries let our medical technology take care of that, the same as amputating a dead infected limb? Especially in my country “YEEHAW land of the FREE” these same flag waving, freedom thumpers are the ones who are blocking the freedom of dignified death.
Couple years ago in Australia I think? The oldest man in the country, something like 110 years old, still in relatively good health, wanted to end his life because he was just tired of living. He ended up having to travel halfway around the world to Switzerland. Another recent one, Godard the famous filmmaker, was tired of life and ended it in Switzerland. Wish I had the money to go there but thats part of my problem… Can’t afford to live, can’t afford to die.
Thanks Bends and agreed. I can understand you’re probably in a stage I was once at also…anger towards your parents for putting you here.
Ofc I can’t even imagine the kind of life and suffering you’ve had, so ultimately it’s your decision on how you intend to deal with your parents.
But with me, eventually I realized my parents didn’t ask for their lives either and while they weren’t the brightest people, they worked very hard, (well mostly my mother, my dad left us in our early teens, that azzhole), to keep a roof over our head and so forth. Luckily while we were lower income, at least we weren’t desperately poor like some people, so we managed to get by.
Once I understood their plight, I was less angry with them. I don’t know your parents, but if they are generally good, caring people, they’ll feel like huge failures if you do end your life.
And I find that suicide can be somewhat contagious…my sister mentioned she didn’t really think about suicide before until I talked to her about it (regarding myself)…but ofc she had some major problems too, so I’m sure at some point she must’ve considered it on her own. So if you end your life maybe your parents would be crushed by the guilt and want to end theirs?
My mother in particular, despite her faults, put her heart and soul into raising my siblings and I…so it’d be devastating if I was to end my life before she passed away and I could never do that to her. I care far less for my dad, he was always an azz to me and was a self-serving POS. He only got a little better as he got older.
As for seeing your parents getting old/dying, it’s sad and awful but kind of our duty as their kids. Again if they’re people you care about and feel that they did all they could for you. But if they were terrible parents, then that wouldn’t apply.
Unfortunately the US is one of the most backwards countries in the world because of the Christian right and their stupid ideas, that is why they took away women’s reproductive rights by banning abortion, dragging us back to the Dark Ages on that issue and ofc stopping us from legalizing Euthanasia.
The only good thing is that Christianity is dying in the West and they’ll be a minority in the US in a generation or so. Then we can finally catch up to more advanced western nations like those in Europe.
There are other countries you can go to like Holland, maybe even Canada if they offer MAID to outsiders.
Ofc Euthanasia would be the ‘gold standard’ for suicide, because they have all the medical tools to guarantee a safe, painless and fast death. There are other methods that can work, but there’s always a risk it can fail too.
We can’t discuss methods here, but I’d suggest trying to see if you can get MAID in Canada or elsewhere and save your money. It shouldn’t cost more than $1,000 for a one-way ticket and whatever fees you have to pay.
Anyone can raise that small amount of money by working or doing whatever it takes to get it. Ofc if you already work and can’t save, then I do understand. From the life issues I’ve had, I learned the hard way to always set aside some savings, because you never know what life will throw at you…like car breaks down, dental, work, moving costs, etc.
But if that’s not possible, I’d suggest googling other methods…personally I’d try for N but that’s a hard one to get so my go-to way will be in.ert g.as and I’ve heard it’s pretty solid. There’s also pen, change p to F.
“Mental health professionals (and I’ve been to many) will only give you tools to help manage your pain. Whether it’s drugs or therapy, all it does is attempt to assuage the pain while the beatings continue.”
Exactly my problem too. Things like “journaling”, “going for a walk”, “meditation”, etc etc- all that sh*t they tell us to do- will only help for a short moment, but the root of the problem STILL exists.
“…and all those veiled accusations that you yourself are at fault.”
Exactly. If you are depressed and don’t get better, it’s not a broken society at fault, it’s not a broken medical industry at fault, it is YOU. If you just “thought more positive,” if you just “tried harder,” if you just stopped be so glum, etc.
I mean it’s not like we CHOOSE to be depressed but the world looks at us like we choose to be this way and suffer every day. There is NO convincing a lot of ppl that everything isn’t all our fault. If they were in OUR shoes, would they survive half of what we have?
“You need to lower your stress” or “You need rest” or “You need to take a vacation”. Yeah are you gonna pay all my bills while I jet off to Tahiti and lower my stress?”
That’s me too. Yeah I know ways that can make my depression and health better, but that involves a lot of money, which I don’t have, which I can’t make bc I’m forever sick and injured. Are they going to help me with real solutions to real problems? No. It’s always “just think happier thoughts,” “take this pill”, “take that pill”, “go for a walk”, etc.
“…and not for people whose malaise is due to the shitty nature of the human race.”
Indeed.
@thebends- who did you used to go by? a different username in the past…
you write very well, but more importantly, i agree with your core premises- very rare to find another that think similar to me.
those are all my issues too. how can i get better when no one is going to help me fix the root of my problem? all the “help” available are all just band-aids to sop up the blood, but never fixes it so the bleeding stops, or to not bleed in the first place.
Thanks eternaldarkness, we seem to be in the same pit. It sucks but I get a weird sense of validation knowing you understand.
“band-aids to sop up the blood, but never fixes it so the bleeding stops”
Right! none of these fixes stop the actual bleeding. For that part they blame you, or they tell you “you have to *want* to stop bleeding” hah
Yes I went by other names here, but I’ve honestly forgotten them, I used to make a new name every few posts because I hate myself so much, you know like a way of becoming a new person…or getting away from the old one. TheBends is the only one I’ve kept for awhile mainly because I hope I’ll be gone soon. This is my last me. I’ve seen your name and always enjoyed your posts… You’ve been here a long time haven’t you? I bet you’ve seen it all & heard it all.
oh thanks, writing is pretty much the only thing i guess i can do -_-
you know, idk actually how long i’ve been on and off here. i usually pop in and out. i’ll pop in for a few months, then blip, i won’t be on for a year or two or more. then pop in again O_o
yeah I had 2 other accounts in the past too, but my dumbass forgot the password to the other accounts so I had to change it and now have no access to my old posts (1 of them I can’t even remember my username or email address) which is sad bc i wrote a lot on those 2 accounts and I would like to save/see them -_-
i’m SOL on that >_>
really sad i cant access my posts bc i used to write really well back then. i’m experiencing a mental decline, so my thoughts and my writing isn’t a fraction as good as it used to be. no i’m not an old fart, but being so poor and sick all these years has pulled my mental capacity down.