I feel so stupid for thinking I was capable. For not moving sooner. For moving with that asshole who didn’t pay rent and still refuses to pay me back. I feel so dumb for getting in so much debt. But within me there’s peace. There’s hope, there’s positivity. I hope i make it out of this someday. I hope things get better for me. I hope i manage to actually pass classes and get a degree. I don’t know what i want to study, But I want that cardboard saying i did it. Sucks I’m kinda dumb due to mental illness. Sucks how depression and schizophrenia made me such a useless idiotic human being. But that’s what I’m working with, it’s better than nothing. I hope to someday see my dreams come true. To anyone struggling with depression. Please hang in there. Life is tough on its own, but depression makes it so much harder. Thanks for living another day. You deserve it. Trust me, we don’t know the alternative.
For the song today it will be Graveyard by Halsey. Particularly these lyrics :
It’s crazy whenThe thing you love the most is the detrimentLet that sink inYou can think againWhen the hand you wanna hold is a weapon andYou’re nothin’ but skin
I think sometimes we get cursed with the depression spirit for some reason. The brain trying to protect itself causes depression and ends up hurting us. Just keep fighting. You got this.
1 comment
Thanks for this, it took me by surprise when you put a positive twist. I guess if we’re not yet ready to die then the only logical action is to do our best at living. Good to know you’re in school making yourself better and more capable. Even if you don’t get the best grades (man I squeaked by with near Fs) all that matters is the piece of paper saying you did it. Then you can move on with a new chapter whatever that holds. And isn’t that all we can do? Dump the past, the scum who held you back, the failures, you have a path forward so take it. Best luck to ya man