I have lost what mental fortitude I have. I feel like my life has only served to hurt others and am just two cowardly to kill myself. I have a objectively good life which I don’t deserve. I have friends who put up with me out of the kindness of their hearts but whom I know I drag down every time I see them. I see every day that I am a burden to my family and my only wish in life is to be of some use somehow. I am unintelligent, and this only burdens others further, as they have to constantly keep me in the loop at the expense of their time. I feel like I make all those unfortunate enough to come into my presence uncomfortable, and I know I am clingy. I am a hypocrite and a lying fraud. I wish I could just get a chance to try again with life and do it better and help instead of being a selfish bastard. I really wanna die. My presence serves to hurt others I hate that. I’ve tried so hard to change but every time I fix something something else surfaces. And at the end of the day, I’m male. Nothing I can do will ever make that right.
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I can’t tell you how much you’ve summed up my life in one sentence. I’m always guilty, always felt like I’m undeserving, at every moment I feel like I abuse the love people give me, I’m ungreatful and awful and deserve to die. And I can’t. Think carefully. You are on this website because you feel suicidal, but if you do fully consider it, its going to bring you to the people who actually want you to stay. That’s how it is for me. Good luck, internet friend. Know you arent alone. Don’t let that fucking monster win.