I’m pretty sure most of us here understand the feeling of loneliness, the kind that kills you. Have you ever really analyzed why you’re lonely?
It’ll be different for everyone. But maybe some of you know this situation… The real reason why I’m alone is because I’m not trying. And the reason why I’m not trying is because it seems so pointless to play the relationship game when they all seem to end the same way. This disease of depression, or self-destruction, or whatever brought you to this site, will destroy any relationship you get into. That’s what my brain keeps reminding me. Because 10 times out of 10 that’s what always seems to happen.
It’s not even about me anymore. I’m sick of fucking up everyone’s life, everyone I come in contact with, like I’m contagious or something. Maybe this disease really is contagious. Why should I be a Typhoid Mary spreading my misery to others, for my selfish need to be with someone?
So I don’t try.
So I’m alone.
So I’m fucked.
2 comments
Similar for me, except I never even get into the relationships, I sabotage them or whatever before they can begin. I think I’m genetically a dud, an evolutionary dead end, so my life is utterly pointless and I just keep living because stupidly evolution apparently also designed me to feverishly cling to this horrible life.
I know what you mean, and tbh I may be at that point also. I can’t know for sure because for the last few years my life has been physically isolated, living in the middle of buttfuck nowhere, that’s my excuse. But even if the perfect relationship drove up in a limo I’m sure I’d sabotage it just as well.
It’s that exact thought “I’m genetically a dud, an evolutionary dead end” that ruins any chance. Who in their right mind would want to pair up with someone who’s hell bent on self erasure? Biologically doesn’t make sense. The weak mutations must die out. That’s the way this planet has worked for as long as life existed.
So I guess at least you could say we’re in good company. Across the ages, I’m sure the weak mutations and extinct species far outnumber the ones that survived. It just sucks waiting to become extinct.