There’s no reason to feel good about this but when an outcome is inevitable you have to make the best of it. I’ve amassed an impressive stash of shit. It’s kinda hilarious because I don’t have enough money in the bank to pay for next week’s groceries, but I have probably $200k worth of hoarded shit. Yes I’m a hoarder, but I guess you’d call me a white collar hoarder lmfao. Everything from rare paintings to autographed 1st editions to other “lost” items I won’t name; these are things I horded when the world thought they were worthless, or failed to recognize “holy shit that’s a (insert dead artist’s name)” but I always had a knack for seeing worth in the worthless.
But this post isn’t about that. This post is about all that shit ending up in a landfill when I die. I don’t have a will nor can I stomach the idea of writing one. So when I die, or rather when they find my 3 week old corpse because the mailman noticed the smell, they’re going to realize I left no will, no traceable identity (or rather, it’s easy enough to figure out if you gave a shit, but if you take a look at the national database of unclaimed bodies you’ll see how little effort they put into things like this), and they’ll do what the law says: all of this will become property of the state. And do you really think the state will be smart enough to recognize “holy shit that’s a (insert dead artist’s name)”? No, they’ll auction off whatever is immediately valuable, and the rest goes into one of those big dumpsters you see outside crime scenes when they determine the investigation is over.
All this shit follows me into the void. Fitting I guess. I myself had value once. But I ended up as landfill.
At least I’ve reached a point so low that I get a thrill out of this scenario. The same way you’d get a thrill out of seeing your own rotting corpse. Didn’t shakespeare say something about how even kings end up being shit out the backside of a beggar?
7 comments
Go to a pawn shop and sell
I wish I were so sure of my suicide. But the truth is I don’t know if I can do it. That’s why I can’t bring myself to sell everything. Hoarder mentality. It’s all I have… as long as I’m alive.
Bends, if I may suggest, put your survival first….you can always acquire things again, even if they’re rare.
If you can’t afford groceries but have high value items, then sell them online or to Sotheby’s…if they have genuine worth, people will be happy to give you cash for those items.
If you care about these items (as a hoarder) wouldn’t it better to put them in good hands than to let them end up in a landfill?
Plus with that much money you can stop working for a few years and travel or do whatever else you want.
If you’re set on ending your life, then I’d suggest selling these items and donating the money to a cause you care about, say to people working on legalizing euthanasia for example or a charity, or someone you cared about that could use the money.
Just saying it’s better than letting the govt have it and then get it auctioned. If it’ll take too much effort I understand.
I have some savings and items which are all going to my sister and her family/kids. It’s not a lot, but at least I know it’ll benefit people I care about.
While my life isn’t great right now and I think about suicide every so often, I intend to stick to my plan as long as I can…which is to live for another decade and try to improve my life. If by 60 I’m not much better than today, then I’ll apply for euthanasia.
I hear ya, Soda, everything you said makes total sense. But ig I’ve entered the phase of life/death where my mind can’t follow good sense. Yes at the very least I should leave some sort of note saying all my possessions should go to my favorite charity. At least they would take the time to determine the value of this stuff, rather than the state which will just haul it off as scrap.
But then we get into the twisted reasons why I can’t bring myself to write a will. I find myself inherently worthless and want all traces of me to disappear, and that’s why things like a will, a suicide note, farewell letters, are contrary to my core belief.
So you’re probably thinking, then why even worry about the mess you leave behind? Well that’s the great maddening conflict. I myself want to vanish, but I don’t want the things I’ve done to vanish. Those things have value even if I don’t.
Hence this conflicted, ironic if not hypocritical post… Trying to convince myself that idgaf even though I do.
Back to your practical suggestions, your words are seeping in just like your wise advice on other matters. I may be slow but things get through, so thanks for talking to me.
I should really sell some of it, just to afford some basic necessities, if not enjoy some travel like you said. The stuff isn’t doing me any good sitting in a closet. I wish I understood the hoarder mentality, but every documentary I start to watch makes hoarders look like total freaks & morons (which may be true of me) and I don’t need to feel worse about myself. For me I see it like I’m trying to save & protect things that have value others can’t see. Because isn’t that what I wish someone had done for me? I’m prob making it sound more poetic than it is, when in reality I’m just a freak & moron like those people who hoard bottlecaps & wine corks.
I’m going to be contrary about it, if it isn’t actively hurting others then it’s fine. Yes, it’s more work for whoever comes after you, but they took that job on, and after death care is always a mess.
I’d try to enjoy it, whatever you’ve got, because it’s there. I have an obscene amount of books, but like you said I can’t bring myself to sell most of them. So I read them. I have a fair amount of toys, and I enjoy organizing them. Yesterday I got a little toy Hippo, and I just like putting it different places. Small pleasures.
Plus, my stuff provides me some of the only real drive I’ve got. I want more, and at this point that means I need a larger place to live, which makes me chase that.
If you want to change it, go for it. Otherwise, there are other problems more pressing most likely.
That’s a good point, whoever gets it after I’m gone it’s up to them to do the research if they want the hidden treasure, it won’t matter to me anymore. I guess I’m just bothered by the wasted potential.
Funny you mentioned books, that’s how it started. So you may be going down the same path haha. I’ve always loved old books and one day, back when I had money, I thought it would be cool to spend a couple hundred bucks on a 1st edition of “The Vampyr” by John Polidori. Now it’s worth thousands so I guess that was a smart move. But maybe it’s all a dumb move in the end, because whoever is cleaning up my mess will just see a ton of books (most worthless to be fair) and dump them in the trash. You know that scene at the end of Citizen Kane where they carelessly toss (the central point of the whole movie) in a fire? Yeah that.
Sad thing is it doesn’t matter if things have monetary value or not, that Hippo of yours has value that can’t be put in numbers. But when you die, who’s gonna want that Hippo? I guess it happens to all of us.
I guess my perspective is different, when my granddad died almost everything he owned was wanted by someone, even stuff that might have been junk, because he was so beloved.
I like to imagine that when I get around to dying, people will miss me enough to take most of my stuff. If it can bring me joy now, that’s the most value I can hope for anything to have.