so I just had a complete breakdown, in the middle of writing about what’s wrong with me, SMU
I basically had a fight with my missus. Not really convinced it matters why, just we were both tired, I hit some unpleasant conditions for her….. and she was mad at me as a result.
Luckily/unluckily we’re sharing a house with our friends this week, so they got to be in the middle of it… and they were very supportive…. we don’t deserve them…. but that’s nice I guess.
I feel like crap right now. I can’t eat, because of the above conditions. I got fluridly suicidal for a short bit and it felt like I was really getting ready to do something about it….. so that’s another joy squashed by ugly reality.
Now I’ve got to try and get to sleep, so I can wake up early and clean, then drive through a city experiencing riots…….
I’m not optimistic. It’ll be what it’s going to be…. but I’m so metaphysically tired, tired on a deeper level than I can even explain. I thought I was going to lose my wife…. and I didn’t, which is lovely as I said, but my safety is much less safe than it was and that’s unpleasant