When I enter into relationships, I do so with the expectation that every now and then there’s going to be sex involved. I can understand if she’s on the rag or not in a mood for it sometimes. But after going so long without it, Im going to feel really tempted to look elsewhere. Sometimes, I dont think women understand what it’s like being a man and having sexual needs. I dont want to be looking at porn, but I also dont want to go two weeks without any sex, let alone longer. All the uncomfortable questions have been asked: Are you angry with me? Am I doing something wrong? Could I do something better? Are you still attracted to me? All of those things have been asked. I dont understand how she can expect love, attention, an ear to dump all her unsolicited emotional bullshit into, but not understand at the same time that she’s starving me the fuck out! No wonder guys cheat. Not doing that though, because then she can say I cheated in court and take half my shit or more.
4 comments
I’m more familiar with the other side of that equation, being the one who doesn’t feel like sex, even though I know my partner wants it. Truth be told I wouldn’t blame her if I found out she was cheating, because as far as sex goes I can’t give it.
Does she have a problem with you turning to porn? Is a frank honest conversation possible?
I know what my issue is, probably isn’t hers. I don’t feel like sex if I don’t feel attractive, and where I am now, that isn’t happening. That’s not my spouses fault, it’s something I’m trying to figure out.
I, myself, have a problem with me turning to porn. I’ve only done it because she rarely ever wants it anymore. But it has made my desire worse, paradoxically. I get the relief, but then I want it more.
We have had the frank, honest conversation. She knows I do it, and I deny nothing, because what I’d really like is sex with my wife. Sometimes I wonder if she’s cheating on me. I can’t think of any other reason why she’d turn me down so much. She’s not pregnant. Idk.
Just chiming in to second what heartlessviking said, and who knows maybe it applies to your wife too, but this: “I don’t feel like sex if I don’t feel attractive, and where I am now, that isn’t happening.”
When depression sunk its claws into me, that flattened my self image and with it any possibility of sex. It was tragic because my gf at the time was smoking hot, but that was all the more reason why I didn’t deem myself worthy. I never told her, I just went cold, and I can’t imagine how that destroyed her own confidence, or led to thoughts that maybe I was cheating on her… I wouldn’t blame her because, like you said, it’s hard to imagine any other reason why someone would avoid something that supposedly everyone loves.
Can’t speak for anyone but myself, but when anhedonia sets in, there’s literally nothing that feels good, not sex, not food, not even drugs after a while, it’s like what’s the point of anything, if it isn’t death
Maybe she’s not very onto sex in general. Some people are like that. Some have low sex drives and others have high sex drives. I would just chat with her about it and be honest with her.