How does one not feel so alone, so depressed and suicidal when you have no one in your life? When you feel like no one loves you? When you have no one who truly cares about you?
I mean REAL friendships, REAL connections.
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drugs. That’s my honest answer. Not the hard stuff, not heroin, opioids or benzos, and definitely not alcohol, but I’ve found a few milder drugs that create an artificial sense of okay-ness… even though there’s nothing okay about dying alone.
Terrible answer, but it’s all I got. Ofc drugs are only a temporary fix, you’re just buying time while racking up the bill if you know what I mean.
The “right” answer… I’ve always hoped I could get to a point of spiritual oneness with nature so that animals, trees & wildlife would be the only companions I ever need. Sounds good on paper. But I don’t think there’s a shortcut to that state of enlightenment, especially not from a place of intense bitterness and self loathing as I’m in.
intense bitterness and self loathing- ah yes, exactly where i’m at too. what to do with ourselves??
eventually, you will find peace with what you see in the mirror. patience is the saviour of the depressed.
it can make or break you. its the test of time.
well it’s apparently breaking me -_-
learning to be okay with you, who you are, what matters to you. Sadly, it’s something that other people look for before establishing relationships
there’s also the option of support groups, they usually are pretty welcoming of outsiders, might help.
I’m going to second Bends’ recommendation of drugs, but prescribed really do help, anti depressants and anti psychotics are an awesome combo for apathy, less painful apathy anyhow.
right, it’s always the ratwheel- i need to be happy and ok with me, then i can make friendships/relationships, but i can’t be happy if i’m all alone and depressed with no one giving a crap about me. so how does one get out of that cycle?
well, if you need external momentum, you’ve got to find a place to get it. Some people it’s as easy as being told they can free themselves, and others need help, either way is fine. If you need help, therapists and support groups are the best our system has to offer.
but even with help, it’s an incremental fight. it’s not like self love is easy, especially with years of practice of self neglect or abuse. It helps to focus on small tasks, small improvements.
I feel like I’m being too vague. What you need is to find an interest group, something you like that you can use to identify with others. I play video games, so I’ve got connections there, then some of those same people are also big fans of board games, and dungeons and dragons. I know for a fact that if you live near the type of game shop to sell the books, you could probably go there and connect with a dungeons and dragons group.
Did you know that role playing is actually shown to be a pretty effective method of therapy? The research backs it up, but the trick of course is getting insurance to cover it. If they ever do, I’d run therapy games for people, it’s something I do for free, but if someone paid me to do it….. I could do it more.
That was stalling, because I’m not sure how effective social connections online would be to you. To me, it helps. That’s what I know you can get to (assuming a decent internet connection). The most interesting communities I’ve found spring up around old games (think super nintendo and DOS) and indie developers. The old games are pretty much free for the cost of figuring out how to get them to run. Indie games… vary. There are a few free to play if you can tolerate microtransactions that don’t particularly effect gameplay. I know some people struggle with that.
Point is, you find a group that likes something you do. Even if you don’t have the bandwidth or local resources, you can talk about it with people. Eventually, you find a way to get more of that. Use that confidence to help in other areas.
Since I’ve been talking about video games, it’s an interesting metaphor for people in our situation. In the beginning of most games you’re given a few instructions and let to figure it out. Some of us (me) need to go look up hints. But regardless you’ve got to progress through distinct phases, with rewards along the way.
That’s what it’s like rebuilding your life. Right now, you’re freshly in the game. I suspect the instructions were lackluster. It’s not like you’re going to go out tomorrow and slay the big bad (the economy? romance? one of those probably), but gaining tools and skills will help you fight smaller battles.
“If you need help, therapists and support groups are the best our system has to offer.”
That’s the problem, isn’t it? That THAT is the best our society can offer.
1- can’t afford the good therapists
2- tried a bunch of low cost/free therapists, and they are freakin’ awful. they make me feel WORSE after talking to them
3- even if i could afford a good therapist, the good ones are few and far between. finding a good therapist is like finding a unicorn.
4- been to a bunch of support groups over the decades. sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn’t. in the end, i don’t seem to make long term friendships from depression groups. part of it is bc everyone else also has their own issues and long term they tend to blip off the radar or are incredibly unstable themselves.
5- i hear you about the interest groups. i’ve done that in the past but i think i’m so beyond depressed that i can’t even pretend to be normal anymore.
6- i’ve always had trouble making friends and connecting with people my whole life. feeling pretty hopeless now.