Heartless VIKING

I think okay-ish is about right. The main success I’ve had was cutting back on coffee, the new rule is if I wake up after 12:30 I don’t get any, and that incentive is slowly working on my bad habits of sleeping in.

I’ve been trying to figure out when to try again on scaling back meds, especially the night meds. Last attempt ended up with a panic attack and hopelessness. So, snapped back to minimum prescribed, I’ve had a few good nights like that.

The biggest external change is new therapist, I met with him on Friday, now I have 9 days until our next meeting. Too early to tell, I usually give a therapist at least two months to demonstrate ability.

I have stuff I should be getting done, but it isn’t happening, and at most I’m bothered by my lack of driving motivation. The big one is I have the parts and ability to troubleshoot a new desktop….. but my ability to deal with stress is still so low. The seasons are changing, I have work on the yard I should be doing…. and I should be getting out on my bike, for my heart.

at least I can console myself, it smells awful outside. I don’t know why, but the smell of wood burning has always grossed me out, and several of my neighbors have those little ovens they put on their back porch.

What I’m going for is a positive feedback loop, a little better every week (focusing on per day isn’t working)… not that I’m achieving that, but my therapist agreed it’s an achievable goal.