it has been 8 months since i last saw him, i cant remember the last time we spoke and its my fault for ignoring him. things were never meant to be this way and it is selfish of me to want but i wish thinsg were how they used to be. iam so scared of losing him and i really love my dad and i always have even if hes not a great guy to everyone else he was to me and i miss him so much but seeing him now is different to what we used to have things wont ever be the same and i can not accept it. i really dont want to lose him or not be able to speak to him before that happens i think it may be my biggest fear and possibly the biggest regret but i dont know what to do or how to do it. when i remember you sometimes i remeber the bad things you did but i like remembering how innocent we were and how gently u treat me i remember how you were but i also remeber how weak you were and you are ill dad. i feel like im suffocating at home and i hate how my family makes me feel, i sometimes think i hate them too but thats mean and my mum really tries i think. i desperately want an escape and to move out but all is so difficult. i miss you dad and i love you.