I need someone to physically help me- help me pack, drive me across the country (taking a flight is exhausting on my feeble body), and once I get there, I need help getting furniture and all the little things I need like soap, toiletries, curtain, bathmat, broom, etc. Cleaning the place, setting it up, buying the furniture and household items- I am stuck here where I am bc I KNOW what is in store for me when I get there and I have ZERO energy to do any of it.
Like I literally won’t be able to take a shower until I get a shower curtain and bathmat to step on. Like that shit needs to be set up, and I’m too sick to do it myself. And it’s not like I have a cold where I can just wait till I get better. I’m chronically ill- sick every day of my life, every day I have no energy, every night I do not sleep, I am tired every day.
I get exhausted just doing the basic things, like taking a shower, let alone groceries or laundry.
I wish 10M USD would just drop into my lap. Yes that would solve 90% of my problems. If I can pay ppl to help me, my life wouldn’t suck so much. If I knew my life would be secure, I wouldn’t be so depressed. If I could live where ever I want, in a NICE place in a NICE neighborhood and my housing and food were secure, and I can afford to eat healthier, and afford great alternative health care, and pay ppl to help me do the things I struggle with (groceries, cooking, cleaning, errands, etc) then yes, my life would be SO much fucking better and I wouldn’t be so miserable.
But FML. I am stuck. Reality is I am semi-disabled, poor financially, poor physically, have NO help from anyone, have no friends, family, SO, and too sick and feeble to help myself get out of it. So FML. Fuck the shit situation I am in.
what are social services like where you are? Maybe you’ve already thought about this and it’s a dumb suggestion, but the agency that helps me, I didn’t even know they existed until they helped a friend of mine. They are literal wrap around, if you have housing insecurity, they know who to contact, etc etc. So I imagine that if they don’t have a service to help with ADLs those basic functions you need help with, they’d know who to talk to.
not that I would recommend anyone to move TO where I am, since I feel quite stuck myself most of the time. I’m imagining a hypothetical of that kind of support AND a local economy that isn’t mired in corruption. Does that exist? I’ve never found it.
Then I get into the whole “I want to help” issue. I was talking about it today in therapy, and it was pretty much; “right now I feel like I’m on methadone, compared to the heroine that is getting paid to help people.” So I see hurt people, I’m like a junkie, even if I know that help would cripple me…… it’s so hard not to give it.
so, if knowing it brings you any peace, know that if I could find a way to directly help that wouldn’t mess me up more I’d give it. But I’m willing to offer any kind of help involving research or discussion. For now I’ll start trying to find relocation services for the disabled. It probably exists… it should exists…. maybe I should found a non profit….. guilt rich people into giving me their money, I pull a salary, and help people, it’s wins all around! I’m only being a little sarcastic there.
getting paid to help people is my heroine, and it’s embarrassing what I’d do for another hit.
social services don’t do shit. i am not in a wheelchair so i’m considered too able-bodied to receive any help. not that i ever want to be in a wheelchair. i’m sure what help these ppl get aren’t enough either.
no, i do not want to be in a homeless shelter. i wouldn’t survive there.
there isn’t any help for ppl like me- poor but not poor enough, disabled but not disabled enough. hell, i’d rather be healthier and richer so i could help myself. i’d rather not rely on others to help me. i wish i was able to take care of myself like i used to.
what do u mean helping ppl will cripple u? at least you want to help ppl i guess, even if it is “giving you a hit.” the problem with american society (can’t speak for other countries) is that no one gives a shit in america. it’s all “pull yourself up by your bootstraps!” never mind that half the ppl don’t have bootstraps to be able to pull themselves up.
well, factor A; I’m only barely doing my own ADLs, which is the essentials, eating, cleaning myself, cooking, etc.
factor B; I humiliatingly flamed out of working in the field. Partially a boundary setting problem, but I just don’t have enough to give (which is part of point A)
factor C; I’ve had a number of painful experiences demonstrating my lack of judgement. It’s a long story, so TLDR; the people I was trying to help trashed my house. Which then took significant time to recover from.
I agree entirely that most people don’t care enough. It goes deeper than that for me, because I was and knew people who were trying to help. People like that are burnt out to the point they are complacent with the way things are. If they resist that, they are rejected from the system.
My issue is that it is economically structured in such a way that living a kind life is expensive as hell. Everyone with even a modicum of respectability either is willingly blind or complicit in multiple crimes against humanity.
Economics is a system of motivation and distribution of scarce resources. When someone says; “the economy doesn’t work like that”, what they actually mean is that the people in power aren’t motivated to make it work like that.
Our best and brightest aren’t being put to use solving problems that cause real pain, they’re being sucked up by silicon valley. A society can only have one main priority, and in the US it certainly ISN’T the well being of regular people.
Responding to your other one here because it’s easier; I was hoping for a non profit, but I am very aware of that situation. I’m too well off to qualify for a lot of help… some days I wonder if I’ve just encountered some glitch in the system, because the non profit that keeps me alive is so helpful….. like suspiciously so. If I found out that they were running a human slaughterhouse on the other side it would make much more sense.
I remember I reached a point a few years ago where I decided to exhaust every resource available. I went to every person or entity saying “we help the mentally ill” and said “what kind of help?” Some of that help came with strings, and wasn’t even that much to begin with. But at some point I stumbled on this thing, entity, far from perfect, but when I ask for stuff they at least make a show of looking for help.
They don’t make me sit through a church service or recite bible passages to get help, and in this town that’s quite an achievement.
Which I now realize has left that muscle, the ability to advocate for myself, atrophied and useless.
it’s not just silicon valley. it’s all big businesses, especially the medical industry. “fixing” or “curing” ppl does not generate income, so what they do is lie to us and keep us sick. a sick patient for life, or a depressed patient for life, is what generates the big bucks. it’s a perverse incentive structure. they are thus motivated to make us and keep us sick and depressed.
it’s a problem in the modern world, especially the west. back in the old days, we had things like “community” where ppl actually gave a shit about other ppl. family was actually family and it was more than forcing ourselves to visit during the holidays. like family isn’t even family anymore (well mine is way more broken so i’m all kinds of fucked up bc of that) but suicide and depression were not so rampant back in the day. it just wasn’t.
and i don’t mean eons ago. just from my childhood to now, society has changed. ppl aren’t as close to each other anymore. i saw the change with my own eyes. sure, society and ppl were always kinda assholes, but it’s gotten way worse now. maybe it’s social media, maybe it’s crushing low wages, but ppl in 2023 are WAY shittier than ppl were back in 1983 or 1993. around early 2000s i think is when ppl got super shitty. and the last decade has been god awful. ppl seem to get worse and worse.
what is this non profit place that’s helping you? no chance i can get it, can i? i’m pretty sure not. i just wish i had a decent amount of guaranteed money coming in for the rest of my life so i wouldn’t have to constantly worry. that is half my depression right there, if not 90%. the lack of money.
they’re called Family and Children services, though the name is deceptive most of their clients are adults without children, at least half unmarried. I quite honestly don’t know how far their reach is.
If you dial the suicide hotline in my area, a center affiliated with them takes the call, and if you’re suicidal because of something they work on, they usually offer help.
I really like the people I’ve worked with there (unfortunately I can’t work for them, conflict of interest), my doctor cares more about my health and well being than any other I’ve had, and I’ve had dozens. I started therapy with a temporary therapist today, dubious of whether it would be any good, and it was. She was surprisingly focused on improving my immediate well being.
Oh, did I mention that in the five years I’ve been going there, they’ve always given me my meds for free? For the first three years by getting me qualified for public programs, then when the medicare expansion came through they got me signed up. I’m now in my second year under medicare, and it’s decent.
That’s another thing, medicare is getting better. friend of mine got a job looking after his own dad, brilliant idea cause he wouldn’t be able to work otherwise, and he’s looking after someone he cares about. Home health is on the rise, not surprising that no one wants to stay in a hospital anymore. If I needed in home health, I think my program would pay for once or twice a week with a visiting nurse or carer (depending on what you need). Carers just help with things, shopping, planning meals and so on.
It sounds like a carer would be just the thing for your situation
I’ll grant that because I worked for the state I know a bit more about what there is and how to get to it, but I started with Family and Children’s before I worked for the state, and kept on with them after. Sad state of affairs when the state needs a non profit to clean up the messes they make, one of those messes being me.
what state are you in?
that’s one of the problems- it’s hard to know what programs there are and how to get on them. i’m leaving the state i’m in soon (as soon as i get my shit together to leave) and even here where there are more services than most places, it’s near impossible to get the services i need. you have to jump through hoops. also, they don’t allow carers. like if you need bandages removed and cleaned or stuff of that nature, in home services can do that, but they don’t allow someone to help you get groceries, drive you places, etc. which is dumb bc that’s what i need and that’s what a lot of ppl need.
when i do get to the other city, i have to try to find what aid there is and try to get on them, but like based on experience, they don’t make it easy, and i usually don’t qualify- either not sick and disabled enough, or not poor enough, even though i am frigging poor.
also, my main problem is my depression and fatigue. bc of that even the smallest task becomes climbing a mountain and i don’t wind up doing it. finding resources and then qualifying is no easy task. a lot of places don’t make it easy.
i mean yes, i know what i SHOULD do, which is find every resource i can and see if i qualify, maybe out of 100 places i qualify for 1. but the fatigue and depression makes this seem highly unlikely to happen, bc i know the effort involving in finding an actual place to help me. and i have already tried it in this state and to do that all over again in a new state/city is daunting.
also, i did qualify for a free phone line and even then i fucked up bc i was supposed to recertify and i didn’t do that (again due to depression and fatigue) so that got cancelled. -_-
it’s not easy being sick and fatigued and depressed bc when you need help and free services the most, they put in restrictions and recertifications and income limits and jump through hoops and whatever else so i just wind up not getting shit.
like there was a time i had to recertify each year for the apt i was in, and holy fuck it was SO stressful, each and every fucking year, bc if i didnt qualify I’d get kicked out with no place to go. and no, it wasn’t free or cheap either, just a tad cheaper than market.
like having both depression and fatigue (not just mental fatigue but physical fatigue from lack of sleep and not breathing well) is the ultimate shit- i can’t get anything done to save myself.
you know how shitty it is when you KNOW there are things you should do to at least try to get services or whatever but you’re just too fucking tired to do anything?
yeah that’s me in a nutshell, and ofc i beat myself up all the time when i don’t get shit done.
anyhow, once i get to the other state, i OUGHT to try to get services, but not very hopeful there. there’s WAY too many ppl and not enough organizations or resources. the bigger the city, the more there’s more ppl competing with you to get the services and the harder it is to get it.
Too many fucking ppl = not enough resources = shitty world
sigh i wish i could have someone help me with getting resources. my situation makes getting aid a little tricky though. maybe after i get to the new state you could help me with researching it. sigh. i’m so tired. really, i just want to sleep and wake up with energy like a normal person instead of half-dead. more than anything, i hate myself for not being able to get anything done.
I’m in Oklahoma. It’s a mixed bag to be sure, very car dependent, and the summers are… unpleasant. Winters too but less so, how I long for real snow, real winter.
there’s just no suitable/affordable places to live in the US anymore. anything that is cheap/affordable = ghettos. even middle of nowhere rural america isn’t cheap anymore. it may be cheap-er than the rest of america but it’s no longer cheap. and you need a car, which costs $$, insurance, maintenance etc so the money you save on rent just goes to car/transportation costs.
that’s one of the biggest problems in america- housing crisis is real af. if you’re someone who can afford to live in a nice area/house, great for you, but for the masses, it sucks like hell to live in a dumpy place, with shitty asshole neighbors, in a shitty neighborhood, sandwiched between so many fucking ppl
god, money isn’t the end all be all, and it shouldn’t be, BUT the reality of it is that it IS causing 90% of life’s ills.
Would I be happier if I actually lived in a NICE place? In a NICE neighborhood? And I didn’t have to constantly worry about money, physical safety, or financial security? Fuck yes.
“Money isn’t happiness” my ass. It literally is 90% of it.
Anyone who says money isn’t important or that it doesn’t contribute to happiness is either full of shit or ignorant af.
i need physical help like someone just driving me places. really, mostly all i need is someone to drive me everywhere to pick up stuff, groceries, errands, most of it is just helping me pick up stuff, and i have ZERO help with that. that isn’t even asking for much and yet the few ppl around me do NOTHING to help me one fucking bit. it’s not like i’m asking ppl to do SO MUCH for me.
that says something about the human species. everyone always says shit like “there’s a lot of good ppl in this world” and blah blah. really? the proof is in the pudding- if those ppl were actually good, they’d help with simple stuff, how hard is it to take someone to the grocery store, or someone where to pick up stuff? the fact that ppl WON’T do it shows that these “good people” aren’t really that good. it’s all phony word salad. ESPECIALLY from shitty ppl who pretend to be so nice and wonderful on the surface to everyone when they’re really just manipulative and selfish. anyhow, i’m just angry and bitter. i dont see the world as a nice and beautiful place or how “wonderful” people are when all i see are ppl being cold and selfish and uncaring.
ofc “good” ppl exist, but how many of them are there? for every “good” person, there’s 1000 or 10,000 who aren’t. and by “good” i don’t just mean someone who isn’t evil.
it’s like that saying that i can’t remember…something about all it takes is for “good” ppl to do nothing that allows atrocities to occur. like how hitler’s germany came about. where were all the “good” people that said nothing and did nothing? i mean BEFORE things escalated and he got so strong and powerful. he could have been stopped before that. but nobody stopped him. all the “good” and wonderful ppl never spoke out.
humans are so fucking disappointing. people who CLAIM they are such good ppl don’t fucking help. they CLAIM they’re such good Christians or whatever, but won’t help me in the tiniest way. people CLAIM they are so kind and giving and blah blah, but don’t do a damn thing to help me or anyone else, except maybe to do it publicly and therefor to garner some brownie points, which does NOT count bc they’re doing it to look good and ultimately to help themselves, not others.
(btw, i’m not saying anything about you. i don’t know you and maybe you genuinely do want to help others which we need more of in society).
everything i feel and think is based on all those shitty ppl in my life i know or knew, who didn’t do a single iota to help me. i mean really, it’s not asking the world for a friend or family member to just fucking take me to the store every now and then (not buy food for me, just drive me to the store and bring me home). but no. “pull yourself up by the bootstraps!” or “think positive,” “think happy thoughts.” No, b*tch. I just need a fucking ride to the grocery store so I don’t starve. you telling me to “think positive” ain’t gonna do shit when i’m hungry and have nothing to eat.
THAT is the fundamental issue with people and depression and how ppl’s depression don’t go away. If ppl ACTUALLY did shit to help, ppl wouldn’t be so depressed and in the situation they are in. and it’s not asking a lot for someone to just help drive someone, or pick up something every now and then. not asking ppl to give you a million bucks or their arm or leg or anything difficult they have to do. simple shit. no one wants to help. no one cares to help bc ppl are shitty and selfish.
There aren’t enough “good people” just to populate the professions that require them. Think about our economy; doctors, nurses, human resources, teachers, therapists, professional advocates… all in the middle of a “worker shortage” which is really just capitalist shorthand for no one wants to pay enough for people to gravitate towards those professions.
The highly effective people, they gravitate towards high reward. Helping people is a reward, but there is so much higher in professions that actually pay their workers…. even though they don’t do any good. Market forces, that’s what they call it. But for whatever reason no one is willing to reshape the markets so that they actually produce the most well being. That would be the sensible thing, but no one ever accused the economy of being sensible.
If the people in your life aren’t helping….. geez this sounds awful… what good are they? These aren’t big things you are asking, you’re right there. If you had one person do each of them it wouldn’t be much burden on them.
so, find new people? That’s my stab at a solution. IDK, perhaps also lay it on the line; “If I don’t get this help…. consequences” because some people really just don’t get it. I have to do that with my parents now and then who provide some of my support; either help me attack the problems in my life or stay out of it.
Anyway, I can relate to being angry and bitter. Me too. I’ve tried so hard and for what?! Rendered useless…….. with no promise of ever being useful again. Watching those I care about die….. to a callous and indifferent society so shallow and self centered…. but I’m not even sure if it’s fair to call it self centered, BECAUSE
what hurts me hurts everyone in my network. People in my network are networked with people higher up, and up and up. Same thing happens in a downward manner; everyone is connected to everyone else, even if the link is hard to quantify.
what I guess I’m saying is that our species is suicidal and sh right now. When someone thinks their life will get better if it is worse for someone else….. that’s classic self hatred. Complacency! Which is exactly I think what you were getting at; for evil to succeed all it requires is that good does nothing, or in this case not enough.
Which brings me back to what I’m doing; I’m going to earn a silly amount of money, at least a few million, enough that when my values are compromised, I can jump ship. I want to spend the majority of my life trying to make this a world I don’t have to be ashamed of. For that I need financial independence.
So it’s long game for me, incredibly long, tedious and not particularly rewarding in the short term. which I’m aware doesn’t help you now…. I say all this more as an apology. I wish I had realized how screwed up the economy was such that I needed way more money to achieve the change that is needed. I was a stupid kid, I used to think that there was a career path in kindness.
Which, is what I meant by crippled. I invested myself in a lifestyle that doesn’t exist, out of the belief I was helping. How wrong I was came to me gradually.