So fckn tired

I can relate in some ways, being a guy, being 35, being married to a wonderful woman. 2020 was the high water mark for me as well, it was my last year at university. The plan was grad school but I didn’t get into my first round picks and then the pandemic hit…. I didn’t know how to work up the nerve for round two, so I graduated. Then I went back to work… lasted about eight months, and since then I haven’t been able to put stuff together anymore.

I think men have a lot of pressure to get their identity from their job, but jobs these days suck (on average.) I have friends in your situation, and to be honest I don’t know whether I envy or pity the situation. It can’t be mine, so the envy at least is futile.

I know what it feels like, feeling like the next shoe is going to drop. My advice? make peace with it. Maybe it’ll happen, maybe not, but letting it get your blood pressure up will have negative effects. Stuff happens, and the trick is to roll with it.

We were also thinking about kids….. my health is the one not cooperating there. The medications I’m on…. let’s just say it cuts into my ability to get excited…. in any way.

It’ll come is my perspective. I kinda figure we’ll end up jumping to a surrogate, IVF being so expensive (though I’m aware surrogates aren’t cheap, at least they aren’t doctors). I’m also varyingly okay with adopting…… all of it dreams without anchor these days.

I got into grad school. That’s what I’ve got right now, that and a computer I’m building that is going to be beautiful. Focus on what you’ve got, whatever it is is more than you could have. Everything is only for now, thankfully this crazy economy fits that well. If you really see a high potential to be laid off, start courting other options. If your employer can’t give you any assurance, then you don’t owe them any.

Take care of you, which also means taking care of your wife. If you neglect you, it’s going to hurt your wife. I know the temptation to be strong and muscle through, take it from a guy who has doubtless had more crisis by 35 than most people have by 80; you have limits, and that’s okay. No one will think less of you for needing help, especially in the current situation.

It’s a pride thing as much as a self care thing. We’re conditioned to be self sufficient, but that doesn’t work when external pressures get the way they are. You’re worth looking after, you wouldn’t have great people in your life if you weren’t.