Will it ever happen for me?

I suck so much and I am so stupid it isn’t even funny! Now that I’m making moves to help my self she blocks me and puts ideas in my head to make me doubt things. She is so devious. I can’t believe she is blocking me like this. I failed college, I went crazy in my last job, I’m disabled because of it. I just can’t deal with this! I am so frustrated. I have no idea if I will ever make anything of my life. And that other asshole will never get it either. He is so condescending a and unaware of the genetic lottery he won. I feel like that dude is never truly rooting for anyone. I think he has taken sarcasm and being condescending to a new level and I am not putting up with it. But this isn’t about him or her. They haven’t been there for me when I need them for a while now. I see other people with no responsibility towards me stepping in and they just kinda suck. Look at what they do, right? So I’m kinda done with them.

I’m trying, I believe in myself, I’ve sacrificed for it, and STILL NO FREAKING RESULTS! I think I am just incapable at this point. Maybe I’m pushing towards an impossible goal, Or maybe I just have no idea how to do it. I keep complaining about the same stuff on here and I appreciate the comments I get. I’m just so hurt, by my own shortcomings. I hope someday I can Laugh at this. But, I am getting older. But not wiser. I have no Idea what to do. I’m just kinda doing what I can.

I have made so many mistakes. I have failed so many times. At what point is this fake it till you make it stuff just nonsense and you call it quits!?

I am by no means suicidal, but goodness gracious do I feel like a waste of space! A joke! A Laughing Stock! Why am I here? Just to suffer? Like Whaaat!? Why is it so hard for me? Why is my memory so bad? Why am I crazy!? WHY CAN”T I JUST GET IT TOGETHER? And why the hell is that asshole so good at everything despite being evil incarnate? The only thing he can’t do is be empathetic, and understand that different people have different capabilities. But he’s the type to get you fired if he can. Like this guy is a POS but he’s smart, so he gets away with a lot of horrible things. And I don’t claim to be the best person ever, but holy shit why am I so incapable while someone so evil is getting away with these things. Why am I so stupid!? I hope to goodness Someday I change for the better. NEVER mimicking that asshole, never being like him. But definitely being smarter and capable and successful.

As For the song, The lyric I posted sums it up.