Does anyone else feel “disconnected”? From interacting with others, it seems like most people have a sort of Drive, and if youre missing that Drive, people assume its because you hate yourself. But I wonder if hating oneself is a cause or a symptom of missing this Drive? Either way, I suspect Im missing something inside of me.
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Disconnected is as good of a word for it as any. I’ve long felt like an outsider observing common humanity. Indeed, quite a bit of who I am, and who I spend time with has to do with this alienating force; I can identify and explain myself to others who feel this way, but not to those who don’t.
Drive is an interesting word for what ‘they’ have that we lack. Maybe it’s faith? trust? whatever it is, they can keep pushing past something that would stop one of us dead (forgive the metaphor).
the last thing I’d add is that I don’t think I hate myself. I dislike my position, and how others see me at times, but that’s all set dressing. Who I am….. I can be no one else. If/when I get the stuff I need externally, there’s very little self doubt apart from the knowledge that I may falter in the future, and acceptance of that.