An online “friend” of sorts had told me one of his friends from HS/College hung herself while they were in College. He knew her since HS or something like that, but anyway, one day while they were in College, she hung herself. No one knew for days until somehow someone broke her door open (this was off campus).
Anyhow, I feel kinda jealous. Like this girl actually DID it. I mean, I’ve been suicidal since fucking forever, and wished I did it when I wanted to at age 7-9. Yes, I was already depressed and suicidal then. But back then I thought, “I’ll try to make it out of this abuse and shit life, and I’ll make something of myself, and life will be better.”
Well THAT was a mistake. All that did was have me struggle, struggle, and struggle, just to make it out of poverty and abuse, only to land RIGHT back into poverty after I got hit by a car and now struggle with tons of health issues, along with all the ills of poverty- shit neighbors, shit apts, shit life, etc.
If I had done it back then, shit, I wouldn’t be here so fucking miserable. I mean, think about it. How many YEARS, how many DECADES of pain, suffering, and trauma I would have escaped had I done it when I was 7.
The only problem is that you have to be lucky enough to do it properly, and it’s not easy given the lack of materials. Many ppl survive- whether it’s hanging, OD, gun, slashing wrist, etc. Hell, it’s insane that even death by gun is not 100%. IDK what the rate is but there’s way TOO many who wind up fucked up and still alive.
Anyhow I’m jealous that this girl not only TALKED about depression and suicide, but she actually DID IT, and DID IT SUCCESSFULLY. She’s lucky she didn’t have to suffer all these years and decades like I did, and still am, suffering.
I would already be gone if not for the fact that there is NO 100% guaranteed quick and painless way to go. And I don’t have the proper “drinks.”
Fucking ridiculous that we have to suffer so much on this damn Earth. -_-