Today, I came home from work feeling shitty about myself. I don’t feel man enough. Too emotional, too self-critical, not enough accomplished. I am feeling like a bottom of the barrel kind of guy.
Despite feeling like wanting to cry, I changed into some workout clothes and went to the gym. I worked on upper body stuff. This made me feel a little bit better. I’m finding I enjoy exercise more for the mental health benefits than the physical ones. The idea of lifting something heavy repetitively triggers my procrastination response, but when I ignore that and get a good workout in anyway, I come home to a very nice endorphin high.
Just because I feel bottom of the barrel doesn’t mean I am. It was only a feeling. I’m getting better at distinguishing my feelings from reality.
I need to work on being kinder to myself Inside my own head. But I got past the struggle today, and that feels like a win. I’m gonna stick with the exercise, too. It feels good.
One day at a time.
3 comments
I can relate. This morning I was struggling, I’m trying to start a routine of taking a shower in the morning, and some days it takes some real willpower to make happen. But I did it, then I went out and cleaned up my parents yard, and I felt better for it.
I still can’t get back to the gym. I do some free weights and body weight exercises…. and a bit of cardio here and there. I’m struggling to commit to getting healthy, I keep telling myself becausee I don’t want to get taken advantage of…. but what I think I’m really scared of is learning to stand up for myself. It’s a hell of a lot easier for my body to say no than for me to.
but I’ve got to take the wins I can get. Like you said, one day at a time.
That’s great! I used to exercise a LOT too, and kept me productive and released a LOT of steam.
But now with all my physical injuries, while I can still theoretically still work out, it would not be at the same level, it wouldn’t be the same, and moving around is always going to a pain (literally). and not being able to move around and do things like i used to makes me feel worse knowing physically and feeling what i can’t do now. also, moving around hurts and causes my foot to swell up, so now i’m just a sedentary lump :'( but also not moving around is obviously bad for me too. so therein lies my quandry…both cases result in crap outcomes.
sigh, i miss how physical i used to be. i used to be SO fit and looked so good :'(
anyhow, it’s great how you pulled yourself out of a bad day today! if you can do it most days, then you’re golden!!