I dont really have friends. I have people I talk to and catch up with regularly over text, or email. But I don’t hang out with anyone. And, I sort of miss that.
2010, I believe, was the last time I had a true friend. It’s been a very long time.
I am a living-dead person. Someone who has utterly ruined their life and is stuck in this big, long “now”, waiting for the end. I’m doing what I can to salvage things, because when I think about what I would do if I hadn’t ruined my life…well. I am attempting to do those things now, even though failure is likely. Too many barriers to overcome.
Still, even if I hadn’t ruined my life, the lack of social connection makes for an emptiness in itself. I’ve spent too much time isolated.
I spend a lot of time wishing I’d never existed in the first place. Idk.
1 comment
I can relate to the ‘long-now.’ While I have a few good friends, it’s not like we’re super-close, we’re just there and occasionally we’ll meet up, have some dinner/drinks, joke around but that’s about it.
Arguably we’re drifting and I think it happens when men get wives/gf’s and maybe start families…friends don’t matter as much.
I am sorry to hear you never hung out with anyone since 2010. Texting just isn’t enough.
I guess with my experience in university taught me that I need to build a strong circle of contacts…because esp. in uni, with so many students, it’s hard to form lasting bonds, unless you find people on your wavelength, which I luckily did.
I haven’t really tried to build new contacts, except through work. I don’t get people…most of them are fine in their little cliques…and don’t care to make new contacts.
Sometimes you gotta just put yourself out there…people don’t usually respond well to directness, but if you have a sense of humor, feel you bring value to other people’s lives, usually they’re cool about becoming friends.
Also there’s catch-22 involved in a way…you need friends to attract more friends…yet if you don’t have any then people are hesitant.
But whether its friends, finding a special someone, finding a job, etc…everything takes effort, sometimes a lot to get what you want.
Lastly you’re not alone, millions of people are in a similar position. Just look at Japan, there is so much loneliness there, that people can rent friends, families, gf’s even.