Well, I’m giving things a shot. I started college last Monday, for the 4th time. I’m gonna die no matter what I do, so I figured I might as well try to make some kinda life. That way, when I do die, I can rest easy knowing that I did what I could.
Work is fucking up my federal taxes, so I’ll probably end up owing the IRS come tax season. Fantastic. Things like this stress me out so much I could kill myself over it. No joke. But when I take a moment to think about it, this wouldn’t be logical. There are happy homeless people, who have to sleep outside in the northern winter, and here I am bitching about fucked up taxes. Meh. Maybe my problems aren’t as bad as I make them out to be in my head.
I wish, I WISH I had never existed I the first place. I wish I never had to experience any of this. But I do exist, and I am here. And I suppose that all I have to do is try to make the best out of the time I’ve been given.
It is a difficult fight, life. Deciding to continue on. It’s always there, especially when things aren’t going well. The thought, “Well ya know, you don’t have to keep living if you don’t want to.”
Sigh. I feel discouraged, but tonight I choose college, and bad taxes, and my loved ones. Guess I just needed to air out my frustrations a little.