That exit I had been hoping for is getting so slim, I’m starting to realize where I’m at; a place of hopelessness, a place where I scream into the void. Treatment folks showed up at the house earlier today, and in that checkup I realized how hard I’ve been running from admitting to myself how hopeless I feel. There’s just no will to become anymore. Sure, I could be something, but will to become, that desire to be is fading over here. Someone has to be willing, and they aren’t acting it.
I ran as fast as I could after that thing. I tried to catch that train.
Now I might just be giving up, or at the very least screaming at the wall because all the options are so stupid. No one is hiring. Then I get a nibble but if they find out I have my medical card that’s the end of their interest. I don’t want to spend this amount of time trying to impress people who clearly don’t appreciate me.
I don’t know how I’m going to eat, given that I’ve heard that social safety net IS going to be cut, but I also don’t know how I’m going to work…… so I can’t solve these problems. Someone give me a problem I can solve please, I far prefer to be productive.
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Sorry to hear about your dire situation HW…I recall years ago, I was desperately trying to find work, sent out hundreds of resumes, got nothing-I also worked with an employment agency who tried to help.
Then I recalled temp agencies and they hooked me up with the job I have today. In my city it’s hard to find work-became even worse since the Liberals allowed millions of immigrants to enter.
So I’m doing what I can to hold onto the decent job I have rn. Thank god most of the people and managers I work with are great, but there are some who are a thorn in my side…but I think I’m safe for now.
I am working on my own side-gig to become self-employed…I came real close, but because of my living situation, it’s interfering in my plans and I might have to move if things don’t improve.
If your situation is bad, see if it’s possible to stay with friends/family, maybe try to get a job in another country. I’d also suggest finding work in the grey market or under the table…anything to keep going. But usually, placement agencies can hook you up.
It’d take a degree of motivation to get started, but it sounds like you need to be self-employed? It seems like a big part of your work issues revolve around having to jump through other people’s hoops/put up with bullshit?
I don’t make much money, just enough to support myself with a little left over. And I was fortunate enough to be gifted my current main client, so I didn’t have to go searching. But the impression I get from reading you is that you’re intelligent, highly educated etc. It seems like you’d have significant marketable skills. It’s hard to imagine you couldn’t find some demand for them working on your own? And maybe that could fuel your motivation?
Oh for a client who knows what they want, you hold onto that. A good client is worth more than a fair few valuable things.
I guess what I want is the raw problem, and that’s what seems so hard to get from a potential employer or client. Who I am or what I am shouldn’t factor in, it’s can I show up and can I work on it. I’m not in this work thing to make friends or to impress anyone. Those aren’t things I struggle with.
I do however struggle with giving out effort and not being compensated for it, and that seems to be common. I don’t need someone else to teach me how to do that, I can waste time with no assistance at all. So when someone feels the need to teach me, it’s condescending is what it is.
It all comes to the point I feel too old and too tired to be treated in the way that companies and organizations seem to think that it is acceptable to treat employees and customers. It isn’t my job to correct, and I don’t feel the impulse to correct it.
I think it’s less about the particular client and more a function of the simplicity and low level of my work. We only ever communicate through email, and even that’s mainly just to notify each other that a job is ready. Occasionally there’s a bit of negotiation over rates, but even there we’ve mostly agreed – I don’t ask for much, and they generally concede when I do ask for an increase. I’m never going to get rich doing it, and there’s no prospect for career advancement. It’s tedious. But it’s enough. I know exactly how much time and effort I need to put in to make the rate agreed. I work the job, I send my notes on deadline day, and I forget about it.
They don’t know me. We’ve never met or talked. They know nothing about me, except that: I never miss a deadline, I accept every job they send me, I respond same day to any messages, and I’m generally thorough with my work. That’s it. Beyond a few banal pleasantries via email there is zero social aspect to it.
Now granted, I lucked into this position. Without that, it probably would’ve required some level of qualification and aggressively marketing myself. But given that you seem to be significantly better educated, have more work experience, and be better socially than me, I can’t imagine it’s beyond your reach. Don’t be an employee. Some people just aren’t suited for it. Be your own boss.
” but will to become, that desire to be is fading over here.”
–>That’s exactly my problem. Only I’m deeper in than you are. How do we get back our desire?? One is not living if there’s no desire, no oompfh left.
Leeching it off of others is the only way I’ve ever managed to get it, apart from the few things I genuinely wanted, which as I said are fading.
City code official came by and wanted me to haul off some trash on my property, that was enough desire for me to do it, and that’s what I like about having employers and customers, they all want things. I don’t, but if I can take just a bit of their desire, trade it for whatever……
It’s why I can never go all the way with hating people, I’m an energy vampire there might be some way I can turn those people into sustanance, I might live again off their idiotic blunders. Healthy people discard desire and energy everywhere they go.